A Beautiful Life

Check Out My New Digs!

2007-09-10T14:38:00.000-04:00

Well, it's finally here. The day I can leave blogger behind. The day I can move on to bigger and better and Wordpressier things! Adiós Blogger...bwa ha ha ha!

Imeant to do this about 6 hours ago, but shit (read kids and a splitting headache) happens.

So, without further adieu, I say goodbye to "A Beautiful Life", and hello to "monkeys and marbles".

That's right...the title of my new blog is "monkeys and marbles"...I know...weird...I told ya the new title would be more me! So go check out my new digs, and remember to change your blogroll links, etc. to http://www.monkeysandmarbles.com (or http://monkeysandmarbles.wordpress.com if you like...they both go the same place!)

What are you waiting for....go!

Coming Soon To A Browser Near You!

2007-09-08T11:11:00.000-04:00

I started this blog on January 1st, 2007. I have changed a lot since then.

My diagnosis of Post Partum Depression in April initiated many of those changes. It was inevitably, really.

I realized a few months ago that the title of my blog, "A Beautiful Life", was bothering me. Not that I don't have a beautiful life...my husband is amazing, and more patient than I think I deserve sometimes. And have you seen my boys? They are my universe.

But sometimes my life isn't so "Beautiful". Sometimes it's downright shitty.

I guess I felt/feel like I named this blog at a time when my eyes weren't fully open to what my life was really like. Or maybe I named it "A Beautiful Life" in hopes that it would somehow transform my life into the "Beautiful Life" I eluded to in the title, or I was deluded enough to think everything was hunky-dory.

Either way, it's just not me.

I also need to get the fuck away from Blogger! As you all know, I've had my share of problems here. In fact, as I was trying to link back to my "Diagnosis: Depression" post in the previous sentence, Blogger laughed in my face and said "I don't think so, bitch! Bwa ha ha ha!". Frankly, I'm sick of it.

The last straw was last week when I realized that the post I published in mid-July about the birth of my brother's baby boy was gone. That's right...Blogger has eaten the post announcing the birth of my beautiful nephew, my brother's first son...the post I so lovingly wrote, complete with delicious newborn-baby-boy pictures. Gone....vanished into the Blogosphere, never to be read again.

Not happy.

So I am almost done creating my new blog over at Wordpress...brand spankin' new title and all. It will be a blog where I can be more honest...more myself...a blog where I won't feel the need to try to live up to a title like "A Beautiful Life". A blog where my posts won't disappear into thin air (I will be re-posting the birth announcement of my nephew once I move over to my new place!).

I just have some last minute tweaks to do, which I will hopefully be able to get done today. If all goes well, tomorrow will be the world premiere of Cate's new blog. A better blog.

Stay tuned....

An Imperfect 10

2007-09-06T21:57:00.000-04:00

We have been waiting on pins and needles for over 3 weeks for results from Zander's blood tests. Well, the wait ended today...we finally got the phone call from the pediatrician's office. The main reason the blood work was done was to confirm that Zander's iron deficiency had indeed returned, and to find out what his current iron stores level is at. A child his age should have a level between 24 and 360...the higher the better, of course. Our little Zander is at 10..... According to the reading we've done on iron deficiency in toddlers, here are some symptoms that can rear their ugly head:

pale skin (uh...ya, except for the yellow tinge from his Carotenemia!)
fatigue (yup...except when he goes into super-hyper-temper-tantrum-spaz mode)
irritability (ya...no shit!)
decreased appetite (what a bonus for a kid who already has an eating disorder!)

And if that wasn't enough, a toddler suffering from iron deficiency could suffer permanent mental and physical developmental problems, decreased attention span, and it also makes kids more susceptible to lead poisoning and infection. Fan-fucking-tastic!

In order to replenish Zander's iron stores, our pediatrician has put him on iron drops. Finally, a little control over the situation. He doesn't eat, his iron levels drop. His iron level drop, his appetite disappears. No appetite, no eat. This vicious cycle has been slowly killing me.

We got the iron drops this afternoon, and since he is supposed to take them about an hour after a meal, we were anxiously awaiting his first after-dinner iron "installment".

I figured it would probably be less than scrumptious, so I took a taste to see what Zander was in for. You know what it tastes like? BLOOD! B-L-O-O-D! Blood! Nasty metallic-tasting blood, with a lovely everlasting aftertaste of bloody blood! I was half expecting there to be a warning on the bottle. "Caution: May cause vampire-like tendencies and, in rare cases, permanent vampire-ism". Yak! But the only warning on the bottle tells of the high probability that the drops contained within will leave dark stains on you child's teeth. Attractive, no?

So I loaded up a syringe of iron drops and a little water to dilute the heinousness of it, held a screaming, kicking, flailing Zander down on the couch and squirted it straight down his throat. I'm really looking forward to doing this 3 times a day. Joy.

But, really, it's a small price to pay to get my happy, healthy Zander back. And we can always hope that his vampire habits will be curbed before he starts dating.

I Still Manage To Impress

2007-09-05T13:59:00.000-04:00

Hubby made dinner last night. We had our first corn-on-the-cob of the season. It was delicious. Of course, it wouldn't be dinnertime in our house without shenanigans and goings-on!

hubby: (as I'm about to take my first bite from the cob) I hope it's completely cooked...I boiled them for 5 minutes.

me: 5 minutes should do it. (I take a bite, pretending it's still raw)

hubby: (looking slightly deflated) I guess 5 minutes isn't enough....?

me: Just kidding! Ha! (I take a bite of corn with a wink and a mischievous grin) Mmmm...delicious and cooked to perfection!

hubby: I can't believe you just did that! I totally couldn't tell that you were pretending!

me: (saying with just a pinch of cockiness) I am an actress!

Zander: (turning towards me, a look of amazement and adoration on his face) Oh, WOW!

I'm so glad that I still manage to impress my 2 year-old son. Hopefully that will last...

There's A New Sheriff In Town

2007-09-02T23:06:00.000-04:00

There's a new sheriff in town, and his name would be Zander. He's tough, he's not always fair and he takes no prisoners.

You see, my dear little Zander has learned a new phrase...from who, I'm sure I have no idea! This phrase would be "Stop Logan, NOW!"...although he does mix it up now and then with a "Logan Stop NOW!" or a "Stop Logan! Stop NOW!". But one thing you can count on, it is screamed from the depths of his little lungs every time, with extra special emphasis on "NOW!".

Nice!

So yesterday Zander was busy putting together his little Thomas train track...which he always does with his trusty plastic hammer, just to make sure the joints are "rea' toit!" (translation: real tight). As usual, as soon as Logan saw what Zander was doing he made his way over to promptly destroy what Zander had worked so diligently to create...making sure it was "rea' toit!", of course.

And then, it came...like thunder, his voice booming in a way that I had not heard before, "Rogan, stop! NOW!". I found it very hard not to laugh my ass off...but being the model of self control that I am [snicker], I kept a completely straight face.

Today, it has become clear that he's just making up the law to suit his fancy. Zander was sitting at the dining room table drawing when he noticed that Logan was crawling towards him. "Stop, Rogan! Stop NOW!". Did I mention that Logan was still about 8 feet away from him?

This must be some new proximity bi-law that I am not aware of.

I have submitted a formal request to Sheriff Zander, asking to be kept apprised of any amendments and/or additions to the current Laws of the House, so that I may do my best to stay on his good side.

The Poet In Me

2007-08-31T14:32:00.000-04:00

Okay....in a bid to be as cool Jennifer aka Binky Bitch from Playgroups are No Place For Children and Cristina from A Mommy Story I have taken a stab at this Haiku Friday thing....thanks ladies for launching this...what a fun idea!

So, without further adieu...here is my attempt at Haiku. Hopefully it's not too painful!

my boys are sleeping
peace and quiet finally
I wish it would last

just enough time for
some lunch, some cleaning, some rest
till it starts again

when nap time is over
mad chaos and destruction
is hubby home yet?

smile, it is Friday
thank God it's a long weekend
I really need it

my wish for you all
a fantastical weekend
and sunny weather

but in the meantime
have a Friday laugh on me
read my poop story

I promise my friends
you will have laughs aplenty
so go and enjoy

my oldest now wakes
is it that time already?
my break was too short

Have a great weekend everyone!

When Poop Makes You Cry

2007-08-31T13:08:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking. The title may lead you to believe that this post is about the eye-watering stench coming from my sons' toxic-waste-filled diapers...most likely Logan's. Well, you would be wrong.

I now pose this question...in run-on-sentence form.

What do you do when your son, who has just finished lunch, poops while still in his booster seat and starts crying while he's pooping like it's hurting him and when he's done he just starts screaming at the top of his lungs like someone has set fire to his diaper and he doesn't stop when you pick him up out of his seat and you know that changing his diaper and ridding him of the nastiness in within said diaper will take the fiery pain away but because he has Reflux Disease he can't lie down for at least 15-20 minutes after he finishes eating and he just finished eating and you don't dare change him while standing up because, while you have done it before, it's not the sort of thing you do when his diaper is loaded with danger and you just want to take the pain away and get him calmed down before his screaming kicks his reflux into high gear???

[phew...takes deep breathe]

I'll tell you what you do...you make a huge ass of yourself. You prance around like an idiot. You do somersaults, even though there isn't much floor space and you haven't done one in years and you know the chances of hurting yourself are pretty good. You make goofy faces and noises. You jump around, scratching your armpits and making "oo! oo! oo! ah! ah! ah!" sounds, pretending to be a monkey. You make up silly songs using your son's name and sing them at the top of your lungs. You sprint back and forth in front of the ottoman your son is standing at as fast as you can. You perform your own rendition of the Pee-Pee Dance. You play your bald head like a drum using your hands, performing such favourites as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Hickory Dickory Dock". You run yourself to exhaustion acting like a massive tool, all to buy yourself 15 minutes of distraction for your son...just enough time for him to start digesting what's in his tummy so you can safely change his diaper.

Then you look out your living room picture window to see a man standing on the roof of the school your house backs onto....looking at you...huge grin on his face...and you realize.....aw crap! Did he see the whole thing???

At least I got Logan to turn his screams into laughter until I could change his diaper. All was well as soon as he had a clean, dry bum. I, on the other hand, need a nap!

Note To Self: Close the curtains when any maintenance is being done on the school roof!

A Bad Day For A Fall

2007-08-30T12:04:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a bad day for a couple of people in our family. Both Logan and Carlos' grandmother, Marcolina, had bad falls. Logan was left with a bump on the noggin, and a bruised ego. Marcolina wasn't so lucky.

First I will tell you about Logan's fall. He has recently began climbing up on the couch by himself. No fear...no understanding of falling off furniture or the consequences of doing so. Isn't that a happy day for every parent?

He is also not yet understanding the words "no", "stop" or "be careful". In fact, the grin on his face each time I utter these words indicates that he may believe they are just playful words such as "yay!" or "woohoo" or "wow".

Back to the story. As is usual now, he scrambled onto the couch, wiggling and kicking and flailing, finally hoisting himself onto the couch. Then he proceeded to try to scale the side of the bookcase beside the couch. I knew I couldn't get to him in time, so I called his name. He turned around, wicked grin drawn across his face, and just looked at me. His mistake was standing at the edge of the couch when he turned around instead of sitting down like he usually does.

It was as if the whole thing happened in slow motion. There was no way I could have stopped it. He just toppled over, falling from his standing position on the couch and landing flat on his back on the floor. The sound of his head hitting the wood floor made me unable to move. It was shockingly loud. Then came the screams. Ear piercing screams.

It took a good few minutes to calm him down. This was his first big fall, and I think he was pretty shaken. You know it's bad when the TV doesn't calm him immediately...and it didn't...right away. But a few minutes later all was forgotten. Too much was forgotten, it appears. He was right back to his couch-climbing ways in no time, and it was obvious that no lesson was learned. But the important thing is that he wasn't injured.

I wish I could say the same for Carlos' grandmother. Marcolina lives with Carlos' parents. She had a bad fall while they were at work, and couldn't get up. Luckily we had just bough an X10 personal security gadget for her, and Carlos had installed it on Sunday.

The X10 Personal Assistance Voice Dialer

She pressed the button on the heart pendant around her neck, and the system called Carlos' cell phone. He then called his mother, who left work immediately and headed home. When she got there she found Marcolina on the floor, her arm so swollen that she couldn't get up even with my mother-in-law's help. She ended up calling 911, and an ambulance came and took them to the hospital.

I shudder to think of Marcolina lying on that cold basement floor, waiting 4 hours for someone to come home and help her (Carlos got the call from the system at 1:20pm...my mother-in-law isn't home from work until 5:30pm or later). I am so thankful that we installed and tested the system on Sunday, and that Marcolina had the presence of mind to use it. It was 25 minutes from the time Carlos got the call to when my mother-in-law got home.

Poor Marcolina, 86 years old, fractured her arm. She's got a cast and everything. As if it wasn't hard enough for her to use her walker in the close quarters of her mother-in-law suite, now she has a cast to contend with. Luckily my mother-in-law had already planned a trip for her and her mother to visit family in Boston. They leave next week. Marcolina has been cleared to fly by her doctor. She will be pampered by her other daughter (Carlos' aunt), and her grandchildren. I'm sure her brightened spirit will help her heal faster.

I asked Zander if he wanted to make his great grandmother a "Get Well Soon" card. He screamed "Yup!", and ran to the table, anxiously awaiting his box of craft supplies. He then spent the next hour carefully crafting the perfect card. I've never seen him focus like that...it was like he was on mission. Every sticker placed with precision, every stroke of the crayon specific and deliberate. He was so pleased with his creation that he was hesitant to give it to his great grandmother...so much so that he wouldn't let it leave his iron grip for 30 minutes.

He wouldn't even look up for the camera!

Wouldn't you love to be given a masterpiece like this? A Zander original!

Hopefully we won't be getting any recorded messages from the X10 system again anytime soon. And hopefully Logan will start to understand the pain of launching himself off the couch...ya...that's never going to happen!

Now That's An Accident Waiting To Happen!

2007-08-27T12:46:00.000-04:00

Zander was playing with the chairs in the dining room just after lunch today.

He pulled out the chair with Logan's booster seat on it, then walked over to the ottoman where Logan was standing.

Zander: Carr' Rogan!

Me: You want me to carry Logan?

Zander: N0! Carr' Rogan. Sit i' chair! (he points towards the chair that he has perfectly readied for Logan's arrival, puts his arms around Logan from behind and proceeds to try to lift him)

Me: You want to carry Logan and put him in his chair?

Zander: (squeals) Ya! Ya!

Me: Oh Zander, I don't think you can lift him. Maybe you can help mommy put Logan in his chair for snack time...okay?

Zander: (sounding a little defeated, but still hopeful) Okay.

Now, Zander is a tall boy....but I don't think his current 22 pounds stand a chance against Logan's squat 30 pounds!

The Cloud Has Started To Lift

2007-08-26T17:26:00.000-04:00

I've been stressed out about a lot of things for the past few months.

I've been trying to find the right medication to able to feel like "me" again. I've been dealing with Zander's eating disorder (that's a whole other post). I've been working like mad to get this house ready for sale. I've been trying to keep my house spotless for the benefit of potential buyers...not an easy task with 1 and 2 year old boys destroying it as quickly as I was cleaning it!

And then there was the stress of actually selling the house. Would we be able to sell it quickly? Would we be trying for months? Would we be able to get close-to-asking-price?

All of this stress has manifested itself as an enormous, dark cloud hanging over my head, threatening to wreak hail and havoc at any given moment.

But the cloud has started to lift.

The word SOLD has never sounded so sweet!

NOTE: Before anyone thinks Canada in August requires long pants and sweaters, I will just say it was unseasonably cold the day this picture was taken (August 18th).

Cate Unplugged

2007-08-03T18:02:00.000-04:00

So....I've been MIA for a few weeks. I've been overwhelmed by so many things.

I was so very overwhelmed by your outpouring of support and caring comments and emails. I don't think I can every properly thank any of you for that. It has meant so much.

I've been overwhelmed by the sheer number of posts still left unread in my Google Reader. I'm sure they are all beautifully written and pee-my-pants funny as usual....yet I've had no time to read them. I have no idea what is going on with all of my bloggy friends and daily reads, and that makes me feel crappy. And kind of lonely.

I have been overwhelmed by all the work on the house that needed to be done in such a short period of time to be able to sell it. It's officially been on the market for two weeks now, and we still have stuff to do. It's like the never-ending makeover!

I've been overwhelmed by the return of too many aspects of my PPD, and am dealing as best I can with my change in medication. But I'm so very tired all the time. It's like I'm being forced to be lazy, if that makes any sense...I don't like it.

I've been overwhelmingly overwhelmed by my 2 year old's refusal to eat. There have been a few ups and way too many downs. This is the worst rollercoaster ride EVAH! (Hi Sara, Jennifer and Heather...picked this word up from you...hope you don't mind me using it!)

I'm overwhelmed with guilt for the fact that my wonderful brother and his wife had a beautiful baby boy on July 14th...my first nephew, and this fucking house-selling shit hasn't allowed us time to make the 3 hour trip to see them. I didn't even post an announcement or pics or anything on my blog! What kind of a sister/sister-in-law/aunt am I???

All of this made me feel the need to unplug. Completely. I haven't posted anything. I haven't read anyone elses posts. I've checked my email every few days just to see if there are any emails from our Real Estate Agent....but I've only read about 8 emails in the past few weeks, and I rarely reply. I haven't been trying to be rude....I just need to completely cut off from everything and everyone.

But I feel like I'm coming out of the cloud now. It might take a while before I'm back to almost-daily posts, but for what it's worth I'm glad to be back.

I apologize to all of my fave bloggers who may have feel like I abandoned them. I promise I will be reading again soon...I may not comment on every post, but I'll definitely be leaving a few words here and there!

Diagnosis: Depression

2007-07-13T01:42:00.000-04:00

I was diagnosed with Post-Partum depression in February 2007. It has taken me until now to be able to talk about it. I've been writing (more like crafting) this post since April...carefully choosing my words....trying to properly describe what I've been dealing with. It's been difficult. I would write a couple of paragraphs, and then not touch it for a week. Then I would read what I had wrote, and scrap most of it...this has been going on for almost 4 months. I think this is as good as it's gonna get, folks....

Carlos and I were aware of the symptoms...we knew the signs to look for. We had discussed PPD and "baby blues" in our prenatal classes when we were expecting Zander. We were reminded of what to watch for by our doctor after each of our boys were born. But I was ambushed...it snuck up on me...on us...

I went through my days thinking that everything was okay. Until one day in January. Zander looked at me suddenly with an odd look on his face...and then started to laugh. What was he laughing at? I was sobbing...sobbing without realizing I was sobbing...how did I not know I was sobbing? And Zander, being 18 months old and not understanding what mommy was really doing, thought the whole thing was funny.

It was as if I was being rudely awakened by a splash of ice water. What was going on? What had been going on...for too long. I had a sudden clarity akin to an out-of-body experience. I was floating over my life...looking down on myself for the past few months. I didn't like what I was seeing.

I had been so deeply disappointed by the inability to breastfeed either of my sons. More so than I realized until now. Looking back, I cried. I cried daily. It would take the littlest thing to set me off...sometimes nothing. Feeding Logan a bottle. Zander resting his hand on my breast while I was carrying him upstairs for a nap. Seeing anything to do with babies, mothers, breastfeeding, anything on TV.

Sometimes I would be fine after shedding just a few tears. Sometimes it was almost impossible to stop.

I had so much guilt. Too much guilt. Guilt over everything to do with my sons. If one or both of them got sick, it wouldn't have happened if I had been able to breastfeed...why didn't I try harder? Why did I give up after only six months of torture and agony? A good mom would have kept trying. If Logan had a bad episode with his GERD, it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been premature. I must have done something to make my water break early. I shouldn't have lifted that box. I should have taken it easier. How could I do this to my child? How could I have put this awful disease on him? How could I have caused my son so much pain and agony...what kind of mother does that? If Zander fell while he was running around playing, I should have been there to catch him. I should have stopped him from getting hurt. I should have picked up all of the toys over and over again all day so that there was no chance he would trip on one of them. Sounds ridiculous now, but back then these thoughts seemed completely rational.

I would cry at the drop of a hat. When I saw a silly commercial. Whenever one or both of the boys would do something funny, silly, cute...I would just lose it. While I watched movies, whether they were sad, funny, scary...didn't matter. Whenever I saw a live musical performance of any kind on TV I would cry...it was so odd.

Libido? What is that? I won't get into any detail...'cause there aren't any to tell. Suffice it to say, my husband is an amazingly patient man.

My fatigue was almost debilitating at times. I could have sleep all day if I had been given the opportunity. I caught myself falling asleep while watching the boys during the day....I slept while they slept...as soon as Carlos got home I would take a nap. It just went on and on.

I started to have anxiety attacks when Logan was only a few months old. Every time Logan had an episode. Every time Zander would gag on the tiniest bit of texture in his food and throw up. Every time we had to leave the house. Every. time. I would transform into Mrs. Hyde. I had no control of what I was doing. It was like I was sitting in the corner of the room watching this crazy lady yelling, screaming, crying, slamming doors, throwing things, hyperventilating. And the worst part of all of this was that my boys were witness to this temporary insanity. That still upsets me.

I was so sensitive about everything that an innocent comment would be perceived as harsh criticism, or even a personal attack.

And even though all of this seemed like completely normal and rational behavior to me at the time, I was hiding it from my husband. It was as if a subconscious part of me new something was wrong but thought I could deal with it on my own. I was fully aware of how hurt and sad I could get when I thought of missing out on the joys of breastfeeding, of how easily I shed my tears...but I'll get over it...it will get better day by day...there's no need to worry Carlos about this. He has enough on his plate already.

It was Zander's laughter at my sobs that woke me up. It was a slap on the face. My little boy thought it was funny that I was sobbing. My little boy had seen me sobbing often enough that it didn't scare him...it was a normal occurrence.

That night I told Carlos all about what I was going through...what I had been going through for months. He was blindsided. I had been hiding it so well that he had no idea what was going on. He's never said as much, but I believe he feels he should have seen the signs...recognized I was in trouble. I don't think he understands how subconsciously determined I was to keep all of this from him...if he found out he will think I am a weak person and a bad mother....I could deal with this on my own.

The next day I called the doctor's office to make an appointment. Carlos took time off work to come with me while my mom watched the boys.

I sat in front of my doctor, as Carlos held my hand, and started to tell her what had been happening...and then the tears came. I couldn't hold them back...they flowed freely and fiercely as I described my worst moments from the last few months.

My doctor, who is so caring and friendly, smiled softly and said something that surprised me. "I've been expecting this. Women with babies who have health problems have a much higher risk of PPD...and you have two very high-needs children".

After much tearful discussion, my doctor prescribed me some medication. Within a few days I felt more like myself than I had in months. That first weekend was the first time I didn't have an anxiety attack while getting myself and the boys ready to have dinner with my in-laws. It was incredible. Carlos actually noticed the change before I did. I have felt so good ever since.

Unfortunately, with everything that's been going on with the sale of our current house and negotiations for the new house, with Zander's eating disorder, with Logan's teething, with my isolation from everyone (due to my allergies to....well....being outside in pretty much any weather, I can't go anywhere with the boys by myself, so I'm stuck here at home alone during the day. Logan's GERD turned us into a family of hermits who were scared to go anywhere, my family is 2.5 hours away and Carlos' family lives on the opposite side of the city.), I have felt myself starting to slip again. The anxiety is creeping back. The over-sensitivity is creeping back. That fatigue is here. This time, though, I realize I can't do this on my own. I have an appointment to talk to my doctor about a medication change.

I have to say, as hard as all of this has been, I can't imagine how much more difficult it could have been...would have been...had I not had my blog to vent all of my thoughts....had I not had so many wonderful people...so many strong fellow-moms...lending their support, as well as sharing their own experiences, no matter how personal. I shudder to think how much more difficult this could have been...and I thank all of the amazing Blogland friends I have made. I can never tell you know much you have helped me during these past few months...

***I just noticed that I am finally publishing this...on Friday the 13th...which coincidentally has always been my lucky day....hopefully that's a good omen...

And Now For Some Comic Relief

2007-07-12T15:36:00.000-04:00

After all of the doom and gloom posts of late, what with all the shit that's been going on here, I thought it was time for some much needed comic relief...and my son Zander was more than happy to oblige.

Allow me to set the scene. It was bath time last night. Carlos had already run the bath, and everything was ready. As usual, we brought both of the boys upstairs into Zander's room to strip them down for their bath. Zander was stripped down first. Then it was Logan's turn. That's when our noses were hit with something so foul...and that foulness was Logan's diaper.

Carlos: Aw, man! Logan! How can someone so cute smell so bad?

Logan: A ba da....pfpfpfpfpfpfp (I'm not sure how to translate this, but as far as I can tell it means something like "Ha! That's what you get for feeding me turkey stew for dinner, old man!")

Carlos: [cough] [weeze] [cough] Maybe we should put a diaper on Zander until Logan is read for the bath...??? [cough] This might take a while to clean up.....[choke]

Me: He should be okay....Zander...do you have to go pee?

Zander: No!

Me: Are you sure?

Zander: No pee pee....

Me: Do you want to go on the potty?

Zander: Pott'! No no pee pee poo....

Me: Okay....but tell mommy if you have to pee on the potty.

Carlos: I can hardly breathe...this is so nasty! Yak!

Me: Do you need help?

Carlos: No...I got it...

Me: Good...'cause I didn't really want to help you anyway! [smirk]

Carlos: Ummm.....honey? What's that sound?

Me: (I turn around to find the source of said sound) Why that's your son pissing into the heating vent, dear!

Zander: Pee! Pee! A (meaning "I") pee pee!

Me: Yes, Zander...you peed...all over the floor and in the vent...

Zander: A wet!

Me: Yes, Zander...you're wet...and so is the floor....and the heating ducts....

Carlos: Here's a receiving blanket...use this....(he throws it over to me)

I start wiping it up....

Zander: (he takes a step back to watch me clean up his mess....and starts to pee again) Pee pee!

Me: (laughing hysterically) Yes, Zander....you're peeing....

Zander: (nodding in agreement) A PEE!

We all had a good laugh. We needed that...

I am so thankful that there are wood floors in his room, and that a warm bath was waiting for them just a few feet down the hallway!

At Least My Thumb Is Still Firmly Attached

2007-07-10T23:13:00.000-04:00

It seems that a few of my bloggy friends are concerned about the state of my thumb. I am glad to report that it is still firmly attached to my hand, and has returned to it's natural shade of pink. Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes...

I wish I had more good news...unfortunately this is where the story goes downhill...you know...the direction shit runs...like the shit that has been the past few days....the shit that has kept me from posting an update on my thumb so people wouldn't worry needlessly...

Today was not a good one. Zander's mealtime struggles have gotten worse. I guess I jinxed myself by talking about his one good meal. So maybe writing of how bad it has gotten will jinx me in reverse....????

With each meal, Zander's intake has decreased. Today he had 2 ounces of toddler supplemental formula for dinner...that's all...no solids whatsoever. Meanwhile his 13-months-his-junior little brother happily savoured jarred turkey stew, complete with peas and little bits of potato and carrots, jarred bananas and graham crackers dessert and a few mandarin slices cut into little bits.

My heart swells with pride as I praise one son for trying new foods...new textures...for thriving in a way we never expected when he was born so prematurely....and that same heart breaks for my other son as he struggles with each meal...unable to find joy in eating...screaming as if we are punishing him by trying to feed him...wasting away before our eyes...

I'm being pulled in two completely opposite emotional directions. I feel like I'm being torn in half...right down the middle.

But hey...at least my thumb is still firmly attached....

Umm...I Don't Think My Thumb Is Supposed To Be Purple...

2007-07-07T13:45:00.000-04:00

When I woke up this morning my thumb was a big swollen purple throbbing digit of fiery pain. It's killing me. It's so swollen that I can't bend it, and if I try I feel like my skin is going to split open and spew forth all kinds of thumb-stuffing....pretty picture, ain't it?

We are worried that it's some type of nasty infection, since I have a small cut at the end of my thumb....hopefully I didn't get B.I.N primer in my blood stream....I don't think that would be as fun as my fume-high.

I can't go to the ER because the wait would be at least 12 hours. And Carlos is gone in a rented van to bring boxes to storage....and as much as I love my MIL (who is here right now to help me), she can't deal with the boys on her own for that long.

I can't go to any of the area walk-in clinics because half of them are closed and the other half have stopped taking patients for the day due to long wait times.

So I guess I will just sit here and wait for my thumb to fall off....

Oh...did I mention that it's the thumb on my right hand? And that I'm right handed? So on the last weekend we have before the house is officially on the market, I am completely useless. Isn't that the way it always goes? We actually have actually have a running joke about the bad luck my family has always had...and continues to have. One day I will tell you about the shit my parents have had to wade through over the years.

Well, I guess I should stop typing...especially since I shriek with pain every time I hit the space bar. MaybeIshouldstopusingspaces....no?

Flying High

2007-07-06T00:26:00.000-04:00

That's right....it's after midnight, and I'm flying high....not because the Zander situation has suddenly and miraculously righted itself, although we have made progress.

He didn't have anything but a couple of spoonfuls of pureed fruit and some formula for lunch, but dinner was better. We put nothing pureed in front of him...just whole cooked veggies. There were green beans, peas & carrots, corn, and some steak. We put butter on all of the veggies since he really likes butter on his toast and likes salty things. And if it helps him gain a little weight, all the better. He played in it. He touched his food. He touched his food! This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but for someone like Zander it's huge. His hands were greasy with melted butter, and he licked some of it off. He's never done this before. By the end of dinner he had eaten 3 pieces of green beans, part of a kernel of corn and fed himself a yogurt cup. Major progress!

But that's not why I'm flying. I'm flying because...well...I believe I'm high. You see, I am currently painting the nasty-ass 80's tile back splash in the kitchen. And of course since it's ceramic tile, it has to be primed before it is painted. Primed with something that will stick to a non-porous surface such as ceramic tile.

I'm using Zinsser B.I.N primer. It sticks to anything. Even glass. And I'm pretty sure it's laced with some sort of airborne LSD or PCP. I'm high as a kite. Perhaps the area I am working in is not ventilated well enough....maybe because my kitchen is so friggin' small and closed in!?!

Anyway, I'm starting to come down now...guess the ride is over. Too bad...I was starting to enjoy it....;-)

*** Stay tuned for before and after pics of my kitchen facelift. ***

Occupational Therapists & Dietitians & Speech Language Pathologists! Oh my!

2007-07-04T20:47:00.000-04:00

Throw a Psychologist and a Consulting Pediatrician into the mix, and that's about right. These are the people helping us with Zander's eating problem, which is now being referred to (by the aforementioned medical professionals) as an eating disorder. Wow...amazing how an 8-letter word can be so fucking scary.

Zander is now 26 months old...and the only fruits and veggies he eats are pureed to a smooth nothingness. He gags at the slightest bit of texture. He's scared to touch his food. He won't eat crackers unless they're wee little goldfish crackers (and he seems to have an interesting relationship with them). He won't eat cookies. He won't eat normal cereals, only infant pasty-nasty infant cereal. This kid is scared of ice cream.....ice cream!

He will eat small bits of pizza (pizza night is always happy and relaxing). He will eat some little bites of chicken if he's in a good mood. We can even get him to eat fish...if he's in a fishy kinda mood. Toast is a staple. French fries...bring 'em. Mind you, this progress was made over months and months of trying, trying and trying again....making sure we eat altogether at the table...letting him feed us...cleaning up his puke....so much puke....entirely too much puke...and being as patient as humanly possible. And all while dealing with a preemie with GERD. Overwhelming? You betcha!

Our physician referred us to a Consulting Pediatrician, who referred us to an Occupational Therapist at the Children's Hospital in Ottawa. The OT had us come in for a series of "information sessions" for parents of infants and toddlers with eating disorders. We attended the second session today.

Last weeks' session was an introduction of sorts. Today's session included a Speech Language Pathologist...'cause it's all linked ya know. Eating/chewing and speech use the same muscles in the mouth and tongue. If you aren't eating and strengthening those muscles, in all likelihood your speech development will be delayed. Great...

After the SLP had spoken to the group of parents (there are parents of 6 children in the group), we spoke with her privately about Zander's speech. You see....I had been worried about it. He said his first few words around 10 months....and then nothing. No new words. For months. Then he suddenly picked up where he left off, and his vocabulary began to grow. Slowly. But at around 22 months he gained mega-momentum....we're talking Mach 10 here. There were weeks where he would average 2 to 5 new words a day! He was word-crazy, and we were basking in his new found communication and conversational skills. But there was just one problem....

He only said/says the first syllable of multi-syllabic words. For instance, carpet is "car", pirate is "pi" or "pa", brother is "bruh", diaper is "di"...you get my drift. He has started to say complete words such as "bubble" and "daddy"....but that took a loooong time.

According to the SLP, this is not a normal pattern of speech development. Most toddlers will repeat a sound ("baba" for bottle), not just chop the end syllable(s) off of the word. She did indicate that he sounded like he was progressing from that stage and starting to catch up to his peers, but she has asked us to get our names on the waiting list for Speech Therapy. Goodie....

Oh...and there's one more thing. During the SLP's talk we learned that most toddlers' first words start with with "b", "p" or "m" and that the hard "c" sound or k sound is not usually developed until well after a year of age...yet Zander's first words were "cup", "cat" and "car". During our one-on-one with the SLP, she speculated that Zander may have suffered from reflux like his younger brother. Oh God....all those nights during his first 8 months when he screamed and screamed...and we, being first-time parents, thought it was teething....he may have been in pain from reflux...if we just had've known....he could have been on medication to spare him the pain....

Great....some more guilt for my big ol' mommy-guilt pile.

Before we left, we were instructed to stop spoon feeding Zander any of his pureed foods....if he doesn't feed himself, he doesn't eat. We are also not supposed to push him...if he doesn't want to eat, he just won't eat. And if he won't eat or throws up from gagging, we are supposed to act like it doesn't bother us and remain calm. And if he doesn't eat anything for dinner, we are supposed to send him to bed hungry because he has to be taught to understand and recognize his hunger. Wow...purposely starving your toddler....isn't that every mom's dream? (note my biting sarcasm...)

This is normally the part where I try to find the silver lining...the "it could be worse" spiel...and it could be worse. We have met the parents of a 2-year old little boy at our information sessions...he's never had solid food, he gags when he sees his parents eat, he gags when they are grocery shopping, he gags when he smells food....he's only on formula...and he has yet to say a word. So I know it could be worse...much worse.

But that doesn't help me tonight. Because tonight my beautiful 26-month old little boy ate a couple of pieces of macaroni and drank some toddler formula for dinner....that's all...nothing more. And I had to act like it didn't bother me, which it did. I had to remain calm...and I am so not calm.

There will be a Registered Dietitian at next weeks' session...and I'm scared. Seriously...I used to think I was a strong woman, but I'm not sure how much more I can take....

In My Absence

2007-07-03T12:26:00.000-04:00

I have been away from the Blogosphere for a bit. Actually, I pretty much dropped of the bloggy scene all together. In order to get everyone caught up, here is a list of what has transpired during my absence:

My wonderful husband gave me 7 days of birthday....gifts every day for a week. Talk about earning points!

Logan popped out a tooth on top, and has three more coming through at the same time. They will probably all be out within a week...poor little guy!

Zander got a haircut...his second one...

My mother came by train to stay with us again to watch the kids so that we could actually get some work done on the house.

Logan got the mother of all fat lips (his first one...what a milestone...) when he tried to climb over a jumbo pack of paper towels...instead of making it safely over the plastic-wrapped pack of 6 jumbo rolls of paper towels, he slammed his face into the wood floor...not good...

This is how his lip looked right after it happened.
The next day, it looked like he'd had collagen injections overnight, and was wearing lipstick!

The following day Zander decided he wanted a fat lip like his little brother, so he got himself one to match. Fortunately Zander heals much quicker than Logan, 'cause it was a doozy!

We went to a parent group (the first of 5 sessions) at CHEO, the local children's hospital, for Zander's eating "disorder"...scary, but nice to know we aren't the only ones with a 2 year old who is still on formula and pureed fruits and vegetables...more on that later...

Logan stood without holding onto anything for support for the first time.

My dad came to visit and to pick up my mom.

Zander counted from 1 to 10 for the first time. He counted the bolts that came out of a spare bed that Carlos and my dad took apart.

Logan climbed the stairs all the way to the second floor for the first time...he kept looking back at us with a big grin as if to say "Look mom...I'm doing it!"...too cute!

My mom and dad went home with a shit-load of stuff that we purged and gave to them and/or my brother and his wife....our house seems a little less cluttered now.

My in-laws came over to help us with the ~~jungle~~ backyard...looks fantastic!

My parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on July 1st, which is Canada Day! (Happy anniversary mom and dad!) When I was little, my dad used to tell my brother and I that the fireworks were for their anniversary. And we were so convinced! Man, was I embarrassed when one of my little friends told me the truth...I was teased relentlessly...thanks a lot, dad...ya big joker!

Logan was finally moved from our bedroom to his very own bedroom....and he sleeps better in there than he ever did in our room (except when he slept in bed with us). Woohoo! Mommy and daddy have their room back!

I think that's it. If I think of anything else, I'll let ya know!

It's good to be back! Now that I've caught up on my own blog...I have to catch up on your blogs...hopefully it will only take a couple of weeks to catch up! ;-)

I Rock!

2007-06-24T22:58:00.000-04:00

So says Jenny from Absolutely Bananas. And you know what...I so do! Jenny's obviously a great judge of character!

Now it is my turn to pass this award on to other deserving Rockin' Girl Bloggers. Since I read so many girl bloggers who rock, I am going to list all the Rockin' Girl Bloggers I read whether they have or have not already received this most prestigious of awards...'cause even if they've already received the award, they at least deserve another mention! (please pick up your bloggity bling at the bottom of this post...)

Here goes!

Absolutely Bananas. Obviously this girl rocks 'cause she recognized that I rock! I love reading her blog...man, she gets me laughing! And this girl's got mad Photoshop skillz!

Families are like fudge... This mom, who has the same name as one of my fave aunts, is honest and funny....and has a small addiction to baby carriers! ;-)

In the Trenches of Mommyhood... I love reading about her and her boys. She's a real mom!

Pass The Chocolate. I love Shauna and her blog. Her SIL stories are a hoot, and she's one of the friendliest bloggers I know!

Plain Jane Mom I love this girl! I don't know where she gets the time to do all of her GRITs, but I love them! I don't comment as much as I would like...I don't have time after reading it all!

Playgroups Are No Place for Children I can't say enough about this girl. She's funny, she's smart, she's honest...she rocks!

Suburban Oblivion Sara's blog is one of the first I started reading on a daily basis, and I loved it from the start. She's funny, brutally honest and pulls no punches. And funny doesn't begin to describe her! This girl's got "balls"!

Temporary? Insanity I just started to read this blog recently, but I feel like I've known her forever. Really cool mom!

The Queen of Shake-Shake Yet another brutally honest blogger...this girl lets it all hang out. Fantastic! The Queen is a strong woman, a real mom, and makes me laugh till I pee! I love this blog!

Tumble Dry One of the most eloquent writers I know. I love her stories. And her girls....man, they're gorgeous! Smart and funny. I've loved her blog for a long time. In fact, she's the second blog I started to read on a daily basis.

'Twas Brillig A recent find, but one of the best. I love this blog. Her story-telling skillz rock!

Untangling Knots Karla...what can I say. She's the first blogger I ever followed daily...well before I started blogging myself. She is one of the strongest people I know. This girl is funny! She's an amazing person and, though I've never met her in person, I definitely think of her as a friend.

Velveteen Mind I haven't been reading Megan's blog for long, but I was hooked instantly!

And now for the bling. You can choose from the original Rockin' Girl Blogger bling

or you can drop the "Girl", and get some Rockin' Blogger bling thanks to Oh, The Joys (she has a couple more than the ones here)

Print, Damn Blogger...Print!

2007-06-24T14:02:00.000-04:00

In the words of Jenny of Absolutely Bananas fame, DOWN with Blogger! Up with Wordpress!

My mother wanted to print my tribute to my dad on our birthday so that he could read it. Such a simple request. But would Blogger oblige? Of course not. It prints the first page fine, but the next few pages are nothing but my avatar. WTF?

So I imported the post to my Wordpress trial blog and guess what. It prints fine from there.

It seems my exodus from Blogger will be sooner than planned. Stay tuned...

DOWN with Blogger! Up with Wordpress!
DOWN with Blogger! Up with Wordpress!
DOWN with Blogger! Up with Wordpress!

Feel free to chant with me....

Two Pees In A Potty

2007-06-23T10:28:00.000-04:00

Make that three pees....three pees in a potty.

After rethinking our potty choice (upon closer inspection, the potty bench had some "features" that weren't suitable for our boys), we decided upon this plain ol' potty which was the one I had originally wanted anyway.

Introducing the BABYBJÖRN Potty Chair

It's a great little potty chair. Colourful for the kids, lightweight, nothing to distract the boys from the task at hand....and best of all, it's sooo easy to clean.

Yesterday was the first day we tried Zander on the potty. At first he was a little uncomfortable. Imagine sitting on what is basically a hole for the first time. Now imagine Zander squirming from side to side, backwards and forwards, trying to get his bum on "solid ground". It was all I could do to not laugh out loud!

Once he got in a comfy position, I distracted him by turning the TV on, reading a couple of books to him, and talking to him about the potty. And suddenly he looked down and said "pee". Never has "pee" sounded so sweet!

The best part for him was helping mommy flush the pee down the toilet...that was a big moment. After washing his hands and returning to the ~~toy-filled wonderland~~ living room, he saw the potty and said "a pee i' poddy". So proud, he was.

So the first potty day yielded three pees...three pees in a potty. Not too bad. Hopefully his interest in going on the big-boy potty will not wane.

Who am I kidding...of course it will....

Happy Birthday To Me (and my dad)!

2007-06-22T11:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to me (and my dad)!
Happy Birthday to me (and my dad)!
Happy Birthday dear Ca-ate (and Cate's dad)!
Happy Birthday to me (and my dad)!

Yup...it's my birthday today. But it's also my dad's birthday. Rather than bore you with yet another story about me (although I know you all l-o-v-e them...don't deny it!), I would rather tell you about my dad.

My dad was born in Denmark a couple of months after the Nazi occupation began in 1940. He was 5 years old when the Nazis finally retreated from Denmark...I have heard many stories from both my dad and my grandmother about that day. It gives me chills.

He and his family moved to a farm in Canada in 1955. Since he was the oldest and his help was needed on the farm, he stayed home and worked while his younger brother and sisters went to school. Dad and his family learned English just by being around English-speaking people. That amazes me.

Dad met my mom, who is also Danish, through a mutual friend. And the rest, as they say, is history.

I was born on my dad's 34th birthday. I love that. There is no one I would rather share my birthday with...even though he sometimes pretends to forget when my birthday is. Nice try, dad!

my dad and a freshly new me

my dad adored me...who wouldn't?

me and my dad...hangin' out

my dad's 35th birthday, my 1st

I have so much love, respect and adoration for my dad. He is one of the most generous and caring people I have ever known. He'll give you the shirt off his back if you need it.

He is also one of the most intelligent people I've ever know. I am continually amazed by how smart he is. He knows more history and world geography than I could ever hope to know. He can take a tractor completely apart to fix it, and put it back together just by common sense. I've seen it! There were piles of nuts, bolts, washers, thing-a-ma-gigies, what-ya-ma-call-its and everywhere, and he still managed to reassemble it. Incredible.

He once helped my brother with his University-level mechanical engineering class. Andrew had been struggling with a calculation...dad stepped in and just....did it. Amazing.

All of this with no formal education or training. He's either learned through reading, life experience, or he....he just knows. He's that smart.

He's the guy we ask advice from for anything home reno or car related. He's also our most trusted weather man. He watches the weather on all the local channels, and the Weather Network. He's fascinated by weather, and knows all there is to know. If you're wondering what the weather is gonna be like on the West Coast of Canada on Tuesday, in New England next week, or pretty much anywhere in the world....call my dad....he'll know.

His nickname is MacGyver. This man can build anything out of anything. Seriously....I kid you not.

My dad has an awesome sense of humour....he's a silly silly man! And because of that he's the perfect grandfather for my boys. Really, he's just a big kid at heart.

my dad gives the best hugs

my dad's a cool cat

my dad kept me from totally breaking down right before walking down the aisle

I am so very lucky that my dad and I are so close, and I will always be grateful for that

my dad can always make me smile

Every June 22nd, my dad and I get to call each other and say "Happy Birthday!" and "Happy Birthday to you too!". How many people get to do that?

My dad turned 67 today...and he has more fun than most people half his age. He's incredible.

Happy Birthday dad....you're truly the best, and I love you so much!

Yet Another Birthday Boy

2007-06-21T14:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy couple of months for birthdays, with Zander turning 2 in May and Logan turning 1 a couple of weeks ago. But today there is another Birthday Boy...my little brother.

Yes, today is my brother Andrew's 32nd birthday. I thought this would be the perfect day to tell my bloggy friends about my amazing bro.

He was born the day before my first birthday....that's right...I turn 33 tomorrow. He is the reason I never had a proper 1st birthday party, since my mother was in the hospital having him...and I've never forgiven him! Just kidding!

my parents proudly show off their newborn son the day he came home from the
hospital, while I plot my revenge on this stealer of my attention/adoring audience

my first attempt on his life...
actually, I was giving him a kiss...I couldn't get enough of him from day one

Andrew and I grew up being extremely close. We were so close in age, and we grew up in the middle of farmland Ontario....which translates to the middle of nowhere. There were a few cousins in the same age group who lived close enough that we played with on a regular basis. But mostly it was just us. And that was great. In fact, our closeness in both age and friendship is the reason I chose to have my little boys so close together.

reading a story to my little propped-up-by-pillows bro
if you ask my mother, she'll tell you how I taught him to read when he was three & I was four

man, we were cute....not sure what happened ;-)

the quintessential grew-up-on-a-farm tractor shot

As kids, we didn't fight much. At worst there would be a couple of minutes of name-calling...perhaps a little smack or two on an arm...and then it would be over, never to be thought of again.

In high school we seemed to get even closer, which some people found odd. We travelled within some of the same circles, so we ended up hanging out together a lot. Which was always fun.

how many people not only go to the same Prom as their brother, but sit at the same table as their brother?
that's me in all my locks-of-blonde glory with my date...
Andrew is at the right edge of the photo in his schnazzy bow-tie...handsome, no?

When it was time for University, we both moved to Ottawa to attend U of O. We moved into an apartment together. And we lived together, surprisingly harmoniously, for 5 years. Jaws still drop when I tell people that my brother and I loved living together for that long. Not sure why...isn't it normal to get along with your sibling?

I am so grateful that he came to Ottawa with me, because those were some of my toughest years. Less than two years after moving here, I lost my hair. The following year was when my sun allergy cropped up. I remember that first burn...my face so swollen I couldn't open my eyes...so much pain...the burning was incredible...the fear...what the hell was going on? He borrowed a friend's car and took me to the emergency room...and waited with me for hours. He never left my side. He was always there for me. I have thanked him many times, but I don't think I will ever have thanked him enough. I honestly don't think I could have made it through all of it without him. He was by my side through it all.

left-right: my sexy man Carlos, ~~baldie~~ me, Andrew, Chris-Anne
this photo was taken at my parents' house

He and his girlfriend (at the time) had to be part of my wedding party, and when he married her Carlos and I were right there by his side. The four of us have become so close, and that makes me so very happy.

Andrew and I with our better halves
I'm so glad that we're all friends!

Andrew was the most handsome groomsman at the wedding
sexy double chin on the bride, wouldn't ya say?

I'm so glad that they let us be a part of their day
left-right: Carlos, my big bad bald chubby post-Zander (who was 4 months old) self,
Chris-Anne (who was 6 months pregnant at the time...and somehow she had the energy to dance the night away!), my bro Andrew, my beautiful mother in her homemade gown, and my dapper dad!

Even though his work as a Mechanical Engineer at a paper mill keeps him so busy that he rarely gets time off and is on-call most weekends, he made sure he was here right after Zander was born. That was so important to me. I'm not sure he knows how much.

Andrew holding an oh-so-tiny 4-day-old Zander for the first time

As we've grown and started our own families, we have ended up in different parts of Ontario. There are almost 300km of highway driving between us. But we still manage to keep in touch as often as possible. Thank God for email and digital cameras! It's so important to me that our kids growing up knowing each other. It's harder to travel now that we have kids, but we try to visit as often as possible. I want the cousins to be close.

Andrew with Georgina (his baby girl, my beautiful niece) - 6 months old,
Carlos with Zander - 12 months old

All of us and the kids at Christmas
Andrew and Chris-Anne are expecting their second child in July...I'm so excited!

After 32 years of ups and downs, he is still one of the best friends I have ever had.

Happy Birthday Andrew...I love you so much!

Getting-House-Ready-For-Sale To Do List

2007-06-20T15:37:00.000-04:00

purge/sort/organize every room in the house
marvel at all the crap we have jammed into this tiny house
pack all non-essentials
marvel at all the crap we keep that we never use or didn't even know we had
install new carpet on stairs -- CHECK
install new vanity and counter top in main floor half-bath -- CHECK
paint main floor half-bath -- CHECK
sod front yard -- CHECK
build large planter under tree in front yard -- CHECK
find homes for our three adorable cats, since it appears that all of use have become allergic to them (hubby with hives and itching watering eyes, me with my asthma, and the boys' eczema seems to get worse when the have touched them)
cry, and come to terms with losing our furry little friends...our first babies
paint all ceilings
go to chiropractor to get back/neck fixed from painting ceilings
install new exterior light fixtures
repair and seal driveway
pack-up/organize and clean garage
paint upstairs hallway and stairways
paint cabinets in both upstairs bathrooms
drop dead from exhaustion
install tub wall surround over hideous 80's tile in both upstairs bathrooms
"come down" off of fumes from wall surround adhesive
paint master bathroom
install new towel bars in upstairs bathrooms
paint all interior doors
paint all window trim
paint kitchen cabinets
paint hideous kitchen backsplash tiles
drop dead from exhaustion again
dig up ~~weeds~~ "lawn" in backyard
lay patio stones in backyard
paint fences in backyard
take a week to recover from excruciatingly painful sun blisters
wait to regain feeling and use of arms and legs
clean constantly in order to be ready for showings at the drop of a hat
pray that someone wants to buy this house

My mother is coming on Monday and staying for another week to look after the boys while we work our way through the to-do list. If you don't here from me for a while, ~~call an ambulance~~ ~~check the local hospitals~~ I'm probably ~~in a coma~~ ~~recovering from a near-death experience~~ just resting...

Pondering The Potty Purchase

2007-06-19T16:20:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all of your wonderful advice, we have a plan of attack for this whole potty training thing. I'm actually quite excited about it...although I'm sure that excitement will soon turn to exasperation. So I'm holding on to this feeling for dear life.

After searching through the myriad of potty solutions available, we believe we have made a decision. The Boon Potty Bench.

It's as bare-bones and sans-bells-and-whistles (literally....no bells, no whistles, no flushing sounds, no songs...this is a silent potty) as you can get and still be loaded with features. Since we are living in a ~~tiny~~ ~~minuscule~~ ~~walls-are-closing-in-on-me~~ small townhouse, the fact that this thing has storage and can be used as a step stool is great. It is also one of the only potties we saw that is actually big enough for Logan's chubby, wider-than-most little bottom...we're thinking to the future here. Don't get me wrong...I love my chubby boy wildly, but let's be honest...kid's got junk in the trunk.

Now, if anyone has reason for us not to go with this potty, my ears and eyes are open to reviews/comments....both good and bad. I hold mom-bloggy opinions in very high esteem.

So barring any horrifically bad comments about the potty bench, we will probably be getting it soon so that we can familiarize Zander with it before the training begins. And then....well...expect many a poop story in the future.

Let the poop fly!

Nothing To Complain About

2007-06-18T15:57:00.000-04:00

Sometimes my life gets too overwhelming. I have my fair share of challenges.

I'm a bald woman. I'm allergic to sun. I'm allergic to cold. I have an easily-injured back due to instability caused by an extra vertabrae in my lumbar spine. My oldest son doesn't like to eat. My youngest son has GERD. [sob] [sob] [sob]

This amazing Kate's story is yet another reason I have nothing to complain about. Nothing.

Did You Know That Goldfish Crackers Play Peek-a-Boo?

2007-06-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

Neither did I. I guess it's just one of those little-known facts...but Zander discovered it today.

Let me preface this story by telling you a little bit about peek-a-boo in our house. Long ago, when Zander was only a few months old, hubby and I shortened the name of the game from peek-a-boo to peek...not sure why. I think we got more of a reaction from Zander when we yelled a quick "Peek!", versus the full name. Anyway, since Zander's speech has taken off he has started to play peek-a-boo with Logan....but he has a different name for the game. For some reason he has decided, since mommy and daddy say "peek", that he would use the long-forgotten end of the name....he says "a-boo", with his little voice lilting upwards at the end of the word as if he's asking a question. Cute doesn't even describe it!

So the story goes like this. I was feeding Logan lunch, and Zander had found the jar of pears that was to be Logan's dessert. He started playing with it, even though I warned him not to. Well, as if to prove that mommies are always right, he dropped the jar on his foot....and started to scream.

Mommy: Zander, what happened? Did you hurt your foot?
Zander: Ma toe hur'!
Mommy: Do you want mommy to kiss your toe better for you?
Zander: (nodding) Ya...ma be'er.

Zander climbed onto my lap, and I kissed his toes better (what a mother will do for her children!)

Mommy: How's that?
Zander: All be'er!
Mommy: Do you want to help mommy feed Logan his lunch? Or do you want a snack?
Zander: Cracka!
Mommy: You want a Goldfish cracker?
Zander: (nodding with excitement) Cracka!
Mommy: What do you say?
Zander: Pwease!

I handed him the foil-lined paper bag of Goldfish crackers. He took the bag, unrolled the top and opened it. And instead of reaching into the bag for a cracker, do you know what my beautiful, funny little boy did?

Zander: (peering down into the bag of Goldfish crackers) A-Boo?

Priceless, no?

Wordpress vs. Blogger

2007-06-14T16:03:00.000-04:00

So....I've officially been sent on a Wordpress reconnaissance mission by Brillig the Great....and no one says "No" to Brillig the Great (yup....you twisted my arm!). I created a Wordpress account for myself, and started getting my hands dirty with Wordpress themes and widgets.

Since I am just starting to dabble in the world of Wordpress, there isn't much to report yet. I will post when I have garnered enough Wordpressy knowledge to give a detailed and informative review....'cause it sounds like some of you might be interested in what I find out!

Wish me luck!

F*ckin' Blogger!

2007-06-13T10:09:00.000-04:00

Blogger is pissing me off....

I've read in the past that Blogger users, like Jennifer, Brillig and Jenny, have been having bloggy problems such as disappearing posts and the like. It seems Blogger snatched them away and banished them to the Blogospheric black hole never to be seen again. I have been hoping that wouldn't happen to me.

Well...it hasn't....yet. But I fear that it won't be long. Blogger seems to be in a state of cluster-fuckness, and I'm growing weary of it.

Blogger recently added an autosave ~~glitch~~ ~~bug~~ feature. Now it seems that I have problems saving. When I click the little blue "Save Now" button, I get a message telling me that my request to save cannot be processed. It happens with ever. single. post. This is a problem. You see...as the mom of 1 and 2 year old ~~walking crawling bringers of disaster~~ little boys, it is rare that I can finish writing a post in one shot. I find it easier to write it a bit at a time over a couple of hours, saving as a draft in between.

But if Blogger doesn't save, Cate doesn't have a draft of her post to continue writing later. This makes for a cranky Cate.

I also had a rather strange thing happen to my blog the other day. After posting Seeing Red, I thought I would show my hubby. Upon loading the page, we noticed something odd. All of the Blogger text (for example, the names of the months in the Blog Archive widget) appeared to be in Italian rather than English. Umm.....what the fuck? Last time I checked, I didn't speak Italian...

The ever-so talented Jennifer of Playgroups are No Place for Children fame was thinking of moving to Wordpress, but found it too complicated, so I had given up on that idea. I'm wondering if I should reconsider. I mean, what's worse....lost posts, or the complexity of using Wordpress? I'm not sure. According to a post I read on BlogMommas.com yesterday, the new version of Wordpress allows you to import from the new Blogger.

Is this a sign that now is the time to move? I'm not sure. All I know is that the next straw might just be the last one.

So....Wordpress users....Blogger users....what are your thoughts?

I'm Gonna Miss The Potato Chip Burps

2007-06-12T23:58:00.001-04:00

Before Logan was diagnosed with GERD, he was diagnosed with a suspected cow's milk allergy. Because of this, he has been on soy formula since he was 3.5 weeks old (I was unable to breastfeed).

It was difficult to bond with him for the first few months. The GERD made him scream non-stop...even when he was on medication. It wasn't until he was prescribed Prevacid in addition to the Zantac he was already on that he started to get better.

But in that difficult pre-Prevacid time, there was one thing about Logan that I found so strangely and oddly endearing...the soy formula made his burps smell like potato chips. And I loved this. No matter how much he screamed, bucked and thrashed, I always had the potato chip burps. Odd...isn't it...what us moms love about our babies? Those special little things....

Apparently milk allergy/intolerance is common in GERD babies, but is not always permanent. Often they grow out of it by 1 year of age.

At 10 months old, his doctor gave us the go-ahead to start adding cow's milk into his diet. At first we started making his bottles with 2 scoops of soy and 1 scoop of cow's milk formula. He did fine with that....there was hope! A week ago we started with 2 scoops cow's milk and 1 scoop soy formula. So far so good! Yay!

But one thing is making me sad...one strangely and oddly endearing thing...Logan's potato chip burps are gone.

Hello to an easier time for Logan and the rest of us....goodbye potato chip burps. You will be strangely and oddly missed.

Seeing Red

2007-06-11T10:17:00.001-04:00

I'm seeing red this morning. Not because I'm angry. Because my 1 year old got his pudgy little hands on one of his big brother's red markers. So perhaps "Caught Red Handed" would have been a wittier title...?

I was just getting ready to feed Logan his cereal, when he crawled into the room....looking like this. Hint: the red looks so much more vibrant if you click on the photos to get an enlarged view!

And his brand spanking new birthday shorts were looking like this.

After frantically searching for the source of the red stains, we found the culprit hiding amongst the mess of toys currently on our floor(don't judge...it was a busy weekend!).

We are usually very good at making sure that all of Zander's crayons and markers are well out of Logan's reach. It seems with all of the birthday madness this weekend, a single red marker managed to elude us. You would think I would have heeded the warning of Queen Heather's carpet incident. Well...the lesson is definitely learned now.

Fortunately for us and Logan's new shorts, it was a washable marker. The boy has been washed off, the shorts have been scrubbed, and I am happy to tell you that the only reminder of this marker fiasco is the unnaturally pink palm of Logan's right hand. Other than that, all traces of red are gone.

If only the red on Logan's face was washable too....unfortunately eczema doesn't wipe off so easily.

Chicken Little

2007-06-10T19:35:00.001-04:00

My boy ate chicken for dinner tonight. A lot of chicken. Like, most of a breast of chicken. And he didn't gag or vomit all over himself. I'm so blown away....I think I'm in shock.

It was the usual dinner....pureed vegetables (otherwise he would normal not eat anything!), and some of what mommy and daddy are having for dinner. We always try to entice him by making mmmm...yummy sounds and raving about how good our dinner tastes...but he normal doesn't bite (pardon the unintentional pun!).

Tonight we were having the Grilled Herb Chicken from Supperworks. He decided that he was going to feed his chicken to mommy, since she seemed to like it so much. As he was feeding mommy her 4th piece of his chicken, with a huge open-mouthed smile on his face, daddy took the opportunity to quickly shove a bit into Zander's mouth.

At first we thought we were in for a second day in a row of puke. But then he started chewing, and the look of disgust on his face quickly disappeared and was replaced by a surprised look of delight. We waited to see what would happen when he was done with his first piece of chicken....and to our bewilderment he asked for more...and more...and more....and more...

I've never seen this kid eat like that. Never. Ever. It was amazing. I was giddy with pride, and I think I caught a glimpse of the light that everyone keeps telling me is at the end of the Zander-feeding tunnel.

I'm sure I've jinxed myself by writing this post, but I couldn't help myself. I just had to tell someone. And if it was a one-time deal, at least is was recorded for posterity.

I would love to post pics of my little boy eating something that isn't pureed....but I was afraid if I pulled out the camera, it would break the chicken-lovin' spell!

Why Must There Always Be Puke?

2007-06-09T22:33:00.001-04:00

We had a small birthday party for Logan at Carlos' parents' house this afternoon. My parents are in town too, so it was just the grandparents and aunt Sonia and uncle Vince (Carlos' sister and her husband). It's been so busy trying to get the house ready for sale that we're putting off a larger party until when he was supposed to be born...mid July.

I was very excited about the whole birthday cake thing. Zander, with all of his eating issues, has never been able to have any of his birthday cakes...he has either outright refused it, or gagged and puked all over the place. And that, my bloggy friends, does not make for a happy birthday. But Logan has been a completely different experience in that department. He has eaten pretty much anything and everything that we've put in front of him.

Because of his prematurity, he is behind in some things....like the pincer grasp thing. He tries and tries to pick up his cheerios between his fingers, but after a while he gives up and just grabs them in is fist. More cheerios land on the floor or get stuck to his face than make it to his mouth. But we figured he would have fun playing in it with his hands, and he would eventually eat some. My mother-in-law had a Backyardigans birthday cake made, and I was sure that he would enjoy that!

When cake time came, I figured I would put a tiny crumb of cake in his mouth to start things off. Instead of the expected confused grimace which is always followed by a smile when he tries something new, a stream of pureed green beans and applesauce spewed from my birthday boy's mouth. Puke was everywhere. I would have expected this from Zander, but not Logan.

After he was cleaned up, he returned to his happy self and went about entertaining aunts, uncle and grandparents alike from the comfort of his booster seat. With my birthday-cake-hopes dashed and , I retreated to the living room...and started to sob.

I'm not sure why this whole birthday cake thing was so important to me. Perhaps I've seen too many pictures of happy 1 year olds, 2 year olds, and so on, happily playing with and eating their own birthday cakes. My niece had no problem eating hers. Neither have any of my friends' or cousins' babies.

So what gives? Am I doomed to a life of puke-filled birthdays? How much longer will I have to wait for a picture of one of my own sons enjoying a piece of their birthday cakes?

I'm sure I will get over it. I'm sure one day it will all seem like distant memories that don't matter anymore. But on this day, it was just too overwhelming...and too much to deal with.

One Year

2007-06-08T21:18:00.000-04:00

That's how long it has been since I first held my tiny, 5-weeks-early baby boy in my arms. Today is Logan's first birthday.

A year ago I had already been in the hospital for a week...my water broke at 34 weeks. Everyday I sat in that hospital bed, I prayed that the doctors could stall labour for just one more day. At 34 weeks gestation every day in the womb comes with huge leaps in development, readying the baby for the outside world. We staved off labour for 7 days.

When labour finally started, I couldn't help but worry about what issues the baby might be facing being 5 weeks premature. Turns out GERD was the only thing he had to deal with and, as difficult as it has been, I have to remind myself that it could have been much worse.

Logan - 1 day old
the NICU was his first home

Now it's a year later, and he's growing like a weed. He just started cruising along the furniture a couple of days ago. I'm sure it will be no time before he is a walking, talking, busy, curious troublemaker leaving behind him a path of destruction and chaos...just like his big brother. The daily changes are absolutely amazing to watch.

But I'm finding myself a little weepy today. After all, I've reached a transition in my life as a mom. I suddenly seem to be the mother of a toddler, and a soon-to-be toddler. Logan isn't a baby anymore, my one year old little man. We've had the two children that we wanted and planned for. The baby era is coming to a close.

And even though he's getting older by the day, I hope he will never grow out of his love for mommy-cuddles.

Happy Birthday, my beautiful Logan. I love you more each and every day!

Logan - 1 year old
my little pool shark

Logan - 1 year old
with his birthday balloon...this kid l-o-v-e-s him some balloons!

Logan - 1 year old
This smiling face always makes me melt!

Calling All Moms Who Have Successfully Potty Trained Their Little Boy(s): H-E-L-P!!!

2007-06-06T17:09:00.000-04:00

Seriously...I need help...I'm completely lost as to how I should start this whole potty-training gig! What I do know is that Zander is really close to being, if not completely, ready.

Last night was our first poop-on-the-floor experience. I'm not so naive to believe there won't be countless floor-poop moments in our future...it's a milestone none the less.

It was bath time, and both boys had ~~stinky nasty suffocating toxic-waste-filled~~ poopy diapers. Carlos, being the wonderful husband that he is (or maybe he was just trying to get some), offered to do diaper-duty while I got the bath ready. So off I went up the stairs to start filling the tub while hubby started changing Logan.

As I was gathering towels and wash cloths I heard Carlos yell "Zander...NO!". I ran to see what was going on. When I got to the bottom of the staircase Zander was waiting for me sans-diaper....and he ever-so-proudly proceeded to lead me to the scene of the poop-crime.

There it was on the floor...Zander's poop. He pointed to it, loudly proclaiming "poo", and then showed me the now-empty diaper that he had just removed from his bottom. It was all I could do not to burst into fits of laughter (I'm sure someday soon floor-poop will no longer be funny). Carlos didn't find the humour in the whole thing....but he had had a really long day.

So...here is my quandary. Zander is starting to be very aware of his bodily functions. He tends to hold the front of his diaper when he pees, and likes to hide (usually under the dining room table) when he goes #2. When I'm changing him, he tells me he's pooped before I even open his diaper. I do believe we have reached the point when we have to at least start looking into potties and potty-training paraphernalia. And this, my dear bloggy friends, is where I need your expertise.

What do you think is a must-have feature in a potty? Is a bare-bones potty perfectly sufficient? Are the bells-&-whistles potty chairs really worth the money? Do potty chairs with musical rewards, etc. really work/help?

What about Pull-Ups? Is this something that we should start with before trying to put him on the potty? And there are so many kinds...some with disappearing images, some feel cool when wet.....

I'm drowning in potty-perplexity. H-E-L-P!

Breathe

2007-06-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

I crept quietly up the stairs on my way to bed last night, cringing at every creak and moan of the steps underfoot. When I reached the door to the bedroom, I grabbed the door knob and turned it ever so slowly. As I pushed the door open, I could see the silhouettes of the bed and Logan's crib in the glow of the nightlight. I tip-toed over to the crib, peering down into the darkness, and listened for his breath. I strained to hear it, and when I finally did I went about getting ready for bed. This is my nightly routine.

After slipping into my night gown I slid under cool, crisp sheets on our large king-sized bed. I moved around to get comfortable, doing my best not to make too much of a rustling. Then I laid there in my bed and listened. Listened to the sound of Logan's breathing coming from his crib on my left, and the sound of Zander's breathing coming from the monitor on my right. Surrounded by the sounds of my little boys, all of the screams, temper tantrums, stresses and strains of the day melted away and I drifted off to a peaceful slumber.

Every night I do this, and each and every night I am reminded of what a truly beautiful life I lead. A beautiful life indeed.

Just Another Meme Monday

2007-06-04T10:48:00.000-04:00

Lene at Families are like fudge tagged me for this fun meme.

Instructions: Remove the blog from the top, move all blogs up one, add yourself to the bottom.

An Island Life
Whee! All The Way Home
The Middling Monettes
Families are like fudge
A Beautiful Life

Five people to tag: Karla, Amanda, Sara, Sarah, Jenny

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Enjoying my summer off between College semesters....my last sun-loving summer before I developed my ~~stupid frackin' pain-in-the-ass~~ allergy to UVA and UVB rays.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was in the hospital awaiting the birth of my premature baby. My water broke 6 weeks early, and I was on bed rest in the hospital while we did our best to delay labour. Logan will be one year old on Friday.

Five Snacks You Enjoy:
a.) Farm Boy tortilla chips with Farm Boy fresh restaurant style salsa (mmm...need to go to Farm Boy!)
b.) Plain potato chips (Lay's Original Wavy are my fave) with ranch dip
c.) Kernel's Whalin' White Cheese popcorn
d.) Fuzzy Peaches candy
e.) Mandarin orange slices, ruby red grapefruit (had to put something healthy in there!)

Five Songs That You Know All The Lyrics To:
a.) Every Backyardigan's song ever written
b.) Every Blue's Clues song ever written
c.) Most 80's songs....it's weird....even if I haven't heard the song is 20-some years, I automatically know all the words....and I didn't think I knew the words to some of these songs!
d.) Most Christmas carols....big family tradition to sing at Christmas....love it!
e.) Every song I've ever like.....if I like a song, I tend to listen to it over and over and over and over....

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire:
a.) Payoff all of our debt, my family's debts and hubby's family's debts
b.) Build the house our dreams
c.) Finally take a honeymoon!!!
d.) Open a paper crafting store
e.) Hire cleaning staff

Five bad habits:
a.) I'm addicted to blogging, Facebook, eBay....anything Internet
b.) I bite my fingernails when I'm stressed out.
c.) I'm the worst procrastinator ever to walk to Earth!
d.) I have a potty mouth....I swear like a....someone that swears a lot.
e.) I watch too much TV.

Five Things You Like To Do:
a.) Spend time with my little boys...they're my world!
b.) Spend alone time with my hubby....wink wink
c.) Blog, read blogs, read my comments (which I L-O-V-E to get!)
d.) Paper craft....I'm addicted to making cards...
e.) Take bubble baths.

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again:
a.) A ponytail.....a braid....barettes...bangs....okay okay...that was a bad bald joke....sorry!
b.) A bikini...no one needs to see that!
c.) Maternity clothes....two hyper high-needs boys is enough...phew...
d.) Acid wash jeans....what was that all about???
e.) Short short shorts......yikes....

Five Favorite Toys
a.) My ~~sanity-break-facilitator~~ laptop
b.) My TiVo...mmmm....Season Pass-y goodness....
c.) My husband....ooops....I've said too much!
d.) ALL of my paper crafting tools.
e.) Any toy that makes my boys laugh and play.

Now it’s your turn. When and if you do it, leave me a comment so I can go and check it out.

What A Difference A Day Makes

2007-06-01T16:19:00.000-04:00

Okay...let me rephrase that. What a difference two days, 25 rolls of sod, 20 bags of topsoil, 46 retaining wall stones, 38 pavers, umteen gallons of water and a veritable cornucopia of yard toolage makes.

Gone are the bald spots in the lawn, exposed tree roots, invading weeds and blurred transition between driveway and lawn. Now there is only a field of lush green grass, a walled garden in the shadow of our beautiful, mature Norway Maple that awaits many a shade-loving plant, and a driveway edged by a line of "expertly" laid brick pavers.

So....what do ya think...have we met our curb appeal goal?

Before: Aren't tree roots supposed to be under the ground?

Before: Where does the lawn end and the driveway begin? Better yet...where's the grass?

After: We will start planting under the tree once we figure out what we want there.

After: Lookin' pretty good from the street...almost done.

Next up: Planting, repairing and resealing the driveway and....uh...so embarrassing....taking down the Christmas lights!

Look At All The Pretty Colours

2007-05-31T08:59:00.001-04:00

I haven't had much time for bloggin' the past few days, since we've been fixin' up the house. It's been hard getting any work done over the past few days....what with my injuries. Carlos has been doing most of it...but I've made a damn good supervisor! I am feeling better...still a little stiff, but the pain isn't as bad as it was!

All things considered, we have actually gotten a lot done...mostly in the front yard. Curb appeal is important, don'tcha know!

I don't have any pictures of the yard yet, but I will be posting them soon. Instead...since people thought my driveway incident was so funny (don't worry...I did too...I wouldn't have posted the story if I didn't expect people to laugh at with me!)...I figured that I would give you a peek at the healing process.

This is the bruise on my right knee...perdy, isn't it?

I'm not gonna post pics of my other wounds 'cause trust me......ya don't wanna see 'em!

Not Tonight Honey...I've Got A Knee-Ache

2007-05-28T23:49:00.000-04:00

I am battered and bruised. I took a fall today...and I feel like a big tool!

My mother arrived this morning and is staying for the week, and Carlos took the week off work. So this week is all about working on the house to get it ready for sale, while my mom ~~tries to keep up with~~ plays with her grandsons. Or....it was supposed to be....

Carlos and I spent the afternoon going from home reno store to home reno store looking for painting supplies, bathroom fixtures, tile, carpet...all the things we need to get our house fixed up for potential buyers to start filing through.

We got home a little later than we had planned...I knew that the boys (Logan especially) would be getting hungry, so I was in a hurry to get in the house and get dinner started. That's when I fell...and skidded across the pavement...on my driveway...with neighbours aplenty watching ...what a proud moment....

The most embarrassing part was...well....when I fell, I hurt my right hand, both knees, and all 10 of my toes (I was wearing open-toe sandals, so the tips of my toes were all scraped up)...and I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up....so there I was...stuck...on all fours on my driveway...my large had-two-kids-in-quick-succession ass in the air...with lots of ~~chuckling gawkers~~ onlookers...not humiliating in the least....

Carlos helped me up, and I hobbled to the front door. When we got into the house, both boys wanted us to pick them up...of course...and here was their mother...limping and covered in gravel and blood...not scary at all...

I slowly (and painfully) made my way upstairs to the bedroom, gingerly pulled my torn jeans ( my fave pair, no less), and proceeded to assess the damage. My hand was bloody and filled with gravel, my right knee was scraped with a huge softball-sized purple lump, and my left knee was full of gravel, and blood was running down my leg...then I realized that the big toe on my right foot had a huge hole on the tip of it, and it was packed with gravel...it just kept getting better...

I called for Carlos, since I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to clean and bandage myself up...I mean...I couldn't even bend my knees! He came running up the stairs to find me pant-less on the bed (not tonight honey...I've got a knee-ache!), with blood on knees, hand and toes...what a sight...

He cleaned my wounds, applied ~~stinging burning acid~~ antiseptic spray and covered it all up with gauze pads. I'm so sexy...

So here I sit....with bandaged hand, knee and toe...covered in bruises....and in tons of pain...wondering how much work I will be able to do on the house this week...and feelin' like a big ol' clumsy clod....

There will be no photographic evidence of this tragically embarrassing event.

My Meme Monday

2007-05-28T20:59:00.000-04:00

I was recently tagged for a meme...and I figured Monday was the perfect day to do it.

Lene from Families Are Like Fudge and Jenny from Absolutely Bananas tagged me for a meme to list 10 things that make me happy. So here we go!

My beautiful little family! I love my three guys!
The sound of my boys' laughter...there's nothing better!
My husband telling me how sexy I am, and flirting shamelessly with me! It's nice to feel wanted!
Getting hugs, kisses and snuggles from my little boys. I'm in heaven!
Reading a great book. I love to read, and be taken away from life for a little while.
Sleeping in while hubby feeds the boys their breakfast.
Cool breezes on a hot day.
Visits from my parents. I don't get to see them as often as I would like.
Soothing bubble baths in candle light on those "Calgon, take me away!" days...and there are a lot of those!
Getting comments on my blog...are people really reading this???

And now it's my turn to tag some other unsuspecting bloggers...but it seems that this meme has been going back and forth quite a bit. So if anyone wants to volunteer, go for it!

Dinner With Good Friends

2007-05-27T22:32:00.000-04:00

Last night we went to dinner with friends of ours who we haven't seen in too long. They invited us over for a fabulous steak dinner, complete with homemade apple crisp. It was such a nice visit.

Instead of getting a babysitter, we brought the boys with us. They've changed so much since our friends last saw them, so it was a treat. The best part was that they were so well-behaved...perfect little gentlemen the whole time.

Zander showed off his ever-expanding vocabulary and helped entertain his little brother, while Logan made good use of his newly achieved mobility. And they giggled...and they laughed...and they flirted...and they charmed. Wow...they can have anyone wrapped around their tiny little fingers in record time! Pretty impressive, I must say.

Our friend Don brought out his camera and, using his talent for photography, took some amazing pictures of our little men.

Zander & daddy (with ~~baldie~~ me in the background)

Aren't Logan's eyes beautiful?

Zander's eyes are gorgeous too! He got his bedtime soother when he
started to get tired...we didn't leave until 10PM!

I was worried it would be hard to relax and have a good time with the kids in tow, but it was really nice. We had a great time chatting while the boys explored...and entertained us with their antics. It became plainly obvious that Zander has reached the age of showing-off for others!

I hope we can do it again soon...a great time was had by all.

A Shameless Plug

2007-05-27T10:07:00.001-04:00

My sister-in-law (Carlos' lil' sis) and a mutual friend recently quit their jobs to go into business together...so I'm gonna use my blog to spread the word a little, just in case anyone in the Ottawa area is reading.

They bought a meal assembly franchise called SupperWorks. The basic concept is that they do the shopping, slicing, dicing, chopping and clean up. All you do is book your session and choose your meals from their fabulous menu of 14 mouth-watering entrees (which changes monthly) on-line at www.supperworks.com. Then you just come in at your scheduled date/time, grab an apron, and go from station to station assembling the entrees according to the recipe provided. The appropriate measuring cups/spoons and utensils are set out for each ingredient. Then it's all packaged in freezer bags that are pre-labelled with the name of the entree and cooking instructions. They do all the clean up. All you have to do is throw your entrees in the freezer when you get home, and defrost them and cook them when you need them. No mess. No fuss. Fantastic, right?

We have already taken advantage of this wonderful place...it's so much fun! The food is really amazing, and easy and quick to prepare once defrosted...a great idea for...say...parents of two ridiculously busy boys!

Carlos and I are so proud of them, and their husbands (who are also partners in this venture) for doing this...I honestly don't think I would have the courage. We love the idea (and them....hi guys!) so much that we decided to become their very own little marketing department.

They were featured in the Ottawa Citizen (front page of the business section...fancy!), and had a spot on A-Channel Morning, where they demonstrated how it all works. My geek-tastic hubby made a little fan site (with a disclaimer, of course, stating that the site is in no way affiliated with SupperWorks) linking to the article on-line, and the video clip from A-Channel Morning...which he digitized and uploaded to youtube. He's so cute!

Anyway....if you are in the Ottawa area, check it out...the video is great. If you aren't from the area....check it out anyway!

Okay...I'm done my sales pitch...promise!

Trying Something New

2007-05-26T00:29:00.000-04:00

Okay...so I was getting pretty tired of the old template. I'm not really one for busy backgrounds on blogs...I find them distracting. I decided on the other template because....well....I just needed some colour or something.

But that template is now, and forever, retired here at A Beautiful Life. On to bigger, better, and cleaner styles.

It is my plan to try to design, along with my geekified hubby, a fancy schmancy banner for the top of my fresh, new clean-lines blog.

So stay tuned for my continuing Blog-volution. (ya....I like to make up word for my own personal use....get used to it...I do it a lot!)

The Perils Of Pablo

2007-05-25T18:03:00.000-04:00

For his second birthday, Zander received a Sing N Spin Pablo from his aunt and uncle. Being an avid fan of the Backyardigans, this gift was a huge hit...after he got over his fear of a moving, walking, talking, dancing Pablo, of course.

That fear has now returned. This afternoon, Zander's new friend turned on him. It appears that Pablo has an evil streak.

It started out innocent enough. Zander was playing with Pablo on the floor in front of me. Whenever Zander gave one of Pablo's hands a squeeze, Pablo would commence with the singing and the spinning.

Suddenly Zander started to scream...I've heard all types of screams come from within this child, but never a scream like this. It made my heart skip a beat.

As Zander continued to scream, he held Pablo (who was still happily singing away) up in the air. That's when I saw that the flesh on the underside of his middle finger had been pulled into the space next to the wheel on the bottom of one of Pablo's feet. And Pablo was still singing and trying to spin...which meant the wheels on the bottom of his feet were still moving, pulling more and more of Zander's finger into the mechanism.

I tried to gently pry his flesh out, but to no avail. I held my breath, gave a quick yank, and his finger was free....but not without a little damage. Pablo had left a large red welt on my little boy's finger. At first he kept crossing his pointer finger over in front of it, as if to guard his injury...although it almost looked involuntary. This caused some concern. His flesh was pulled so far into the mechanism that the possibility of something more serious than a welt (ie. nerve damage or something similarly horrendous) was lingering in my mind.

After I got him calmed down a bit, I asked him what would make him feel better. "Balloon", he squeaked between sobs. More specifically, a pink balloon...he got to pick the perfect balloon out of a big bag of assorted colours and sizes.

The Victim: Nothing heals a banged-up finger like a pink balloon!

It took about an hour for him to go back to his normal self. By that time his finger had just a red, slightly raised bruise. It's still extremely sore, but his finger appears to be functioning normally...thank God!

I went on the Fisher-Price website to confirm the suggested age for this toy. Just as my memory informed me, it is 18+ months. I'm not impressed.

The wheel mechanisms at the bottom of Pablo's feet that allow him to dance and spin are not shielded in any way to protect little fingers, or any other body part, from being pinched, caught or pulled in. Zander is two years old...and they expect an 18-month old child to be safe while playing with this thing?

The Villan: This picture really under-emphasizes how much toddler flesh can get caught in there!

I am currently composing a letter of complaint. Once completed, it will be sent to the appropriate Government department, toy safety organizations as well as the manufacturer itself.

I'm interested to see how Fisher-Price will respond. Perhaps the recommended age should be changed on this toy. Better safe than sorry, don't you think?

'Tis The Season Of Sunburns And Blisters

2007-05-24T22:42:00.000-04:00

Today was the perfect weather to play outside...if you aren't allergic to sun. According to Environment Canada, the UV index was 8, or high. Not good. But the kidlets needed to get outside, so outside we went.

Knowing that we would be heading out of doors as soon as Carlos got home from work, I set about "putting on my face". Have you ever tried to draw your eyebrows on whilst a two-year old hyper little boy plays on your lap? Probably not. To say it's difficult is putting it lightly. Picture trying to draw a smooth curve with a brow pencil as a toddler is trying to snatch it from your grasp. Trying to use a mirror that is constantly being repositioned. Trying to draw a line with a freshly-sharpened eyeliner along your non-existent lash line as your arm is repeatedly "nudged". It can be dangerous at times. There are days when I look like I have a permanent scowl due to the shape and angle of my eyebrows....and my little boy.

Anyway...on to the outdoor adventures. After the boys had greeted daddy when he got home, we got them dressed for the climate change (going from air conditioned bliss to a humid 31C/88F). Then we headed outside.

Logan was strapped into the swing that hangs from the tree in our front yard while Zander played with his car. It was great fun for all. We were outside for about 30 minutes before we had to retreat to the house for dinner. That's all it took....30 minutes.

Even though I was in the shade provided by the canopy of our large Norway Maple, I received my first sunburn of the season. Not a bad blistery raw-meat lookin' one....but enough of a burn that I feel like I've been using a belt sander on my face. Stupid sun allergy! Seriously....what kind of sadistic bastard invents an allergy to something as vital to life as the sun? (yes, I know people don't "invent" medical conditions...but I'm bitter!) It's not even officially summer yet, but I still can't spend 30 minutes playing with my boys in the shade of a mature tree. How fair is that? I'll tell you...it's NOT!

Breathe, Cate.....breathe........

My silver lining is....if all goes as planned, our future home will have a backyard graced with UV-blocking shade from the house, and the houses on either side of us. I will be able to have summer fun with my children, without painfully paying for it later. And that is worth the wait.

So I will have to remember that trees do not provide the safe haven from UV rays that someone who suffers from PMLE like me requires. From now on, I'll stick to watching my sons play with their daddy from the safety of my front step!

Thank you for sitting through my sad little pity party....I'm feel much better now.

To make up for this whine-fest, please enjoy these pictures of two amazingly cute boys.

Look what all the snot-wiping from this stupid cold
has done to my poor little boy's face!

"I don't need no stinking hat!"

"Good...my hat is 100% cotton!"

Zander getting in his car
(please ignore the honkin' bald patch on the lawn...it will get fixed soon!)

"Beep! Beep! Get out of the way, mom!"

My lumpy-bumpy driveway, my bald lawn, the boys' desperately-in-need-of-cleaning
frog shaped sandbox...and my beautiful little family.

Hooray For Poop!

2007-05-23T19:42:00.000-04:00

Isn't "poop" the greatest word in the world...when it's your two-year old saying it?

Zander said "poop" for the first time last night, which in itself was a great accomplishment. I mean, he's heard that word daily since he was born...and he finally decided to say it.

But the circumstances in which he deemed fit to utter this great word for the first time were...well...surprising to say the least.

Allow me to set the scene. I was just ending a phone conversation with my aunt. I looked up to see Zander standing in front of me. He was in just a t-shirt and his diaper, since it was a warm day.

He then proceeded to pull at his diaper and say "poop". Filled with excitement, I responded "did you poop?". Zander nodded with great fervour, and added "poop in my diaper"! Okay...what he actually said was "poop i' di'...". But hey...that's a big step! Three partial words being strung together to form his version of a sentence. Plus...he was aware that he had pooped!

After my excitement started to wane, though, I realized what is quickly approaching....potty training. Gulp. It hasn't even set in that he's actually 2 years old, and now I have to prepare for the daunting task of potty training? I'm sure we're in for lots of potty fun!

This Is SO Not Me!

2007-05-22T14:53:00.000-04:00

This blog is not me. The look of it, I mean.

I'm not a boring person....although some of you who read my blog on a regular basis may beg to differ.

I think I'm pretty unique....I'm fun....I love to laugh, and to make people laugh...I can be quite the entertainer at times....

My husband says I'm melodramatic, which I know I am. But he also knows I do it in fun. I like to exaggerate. I love to act. I love to act silly.

I can be a raving lunatic at times...that's just who I am.

I'm creative...I make paper....I make soap....I make cards, gift tags, boxes....I stamp....I scrapbook....tons of fun stuff....

I'm a freak of nature....how many bald women who are allergic to the sun and cold do you know....honestly?

But one thing I'm not is boring. And this blog is boring. At least to look at. Don't you think? I do.

I want to customize my blog...make it more me. I'm not a "standard blog template" kinda gal.

So I need your input. Those of you who have those wicked-awesome (yes, I am a child of the 80's) custom header/banners/whatever-you-call-ems...where did you get them? Did you make it yourself? Did your DH make it? Did you someone online to make it for you?

I would love some help in jazzing my blog up a bit. What do ya say?

That's A Lot O' Lot!

2007-05-22T11:52:00.000-04:00

Living in a townhouse, you don't get much of a backyard. That hasn't been a problem so far, since we haven't really needed it. But now that the boys are older, we're starting to think towards swing sets, slides, playing catch....fun stuff for the boys to do outside.

Our current backyard is approximately 30' wide (since we have an end unit, our yard is 10 feet wider than the inside units) by 35' feet long. Depending on where you are from, that's either a good size yard, or tiny....when I first moved here I thought it was tiny...being from the country and all. I grew up with 1/2 acre worth of front yard! But now I realize that it's actually a pretty decent size for a townhouse in suburbs that are growing so fast that builders are making the lots smaller and smaller.

So when we reserved the lot in the East end of the city for our new townhouse....an inside unit....we knew our backyard would be small. The inside lots are 21' wide...and most are no more than 15' to 20' long. But that's all we can afford right now, and we don't want to stretch the budget. Besides, there is a park about a 5 minute walk from our proposed new home.

We got a call from the builder last week...apparently we cannot build the model of home we want on the lot we reserved. But they had a solution. There was another lot that would work. It is in a block of 3 homes rather than 4...bonus! The backyard will face due East...meaning there will be a lot more shade than our original pick....perfect for a sun-allergic freak of nature like me! Unfortunately this block is being release slightly later than the other one, so we wouldn't move in until February/March....crap! And this lot comes with a $3500 lot premium....fuck! But the lot is a lot bigger than the other one.

We met with the sales person on Saturday to sign some more papers. We got the land surveys, and found out that it was meant to be. We would have had a 15' backyard with the other lot. Our new lot will give us a much larger backyard. The back of it is on a diagonal, since it is an irregularly shaped lot. So one side will be 40' long, the other will be 53' long! That means I will be able to play catch with my boys when they are older without having to go to the park! Wahoo!

So now we continue to get the house ready for sale...'cause the next step is to sell our house!

Madeleine McCann

2007-05-22T09:26:00.000-04:00

A comment on one of my posts brought this story to my attention and asked that I post about it...just in case someone out there had seen her, and could help.

This little 4 year old girl, who was on vacation in Portugal with her family, was taken from her hotel room while she was sleeping on May 3rd...the day Zander turned 2 years old. She has now been missing for 19 days.

I can't fathom what this must be like for her parents. It is so hard to think about. Here I am, complaining about a family cold, when there are so many parents out there missing their little boys and girls.

Here's hoping little Madeleine is found safe and sound, and her parents can hold her tight in their arms again.

www.findmadeleine.com

Who Googles That?

2007-05-19T14:41:00.000-04:00

I recently set up web tracking on my blog. Loads of fun...I can't stop checking it. Love the world map with all the little dots.....fancy!

After reading about Sara's (of Suburban Oblivion fame) latest post, I thought I would check to see if any search engines had offered up my blog in response to someones query. Well, after just 4 days of traffic metering, I got a good one.

Why anyone in Auvergne, France was searching for "penis master" is beyond me.

I guess the combo of posts regarding the size of the master bedroom in our future home and my son's discovery of his penis will do that.

As for an update on the aforementioned post concerning Logan's new bath toy, we have decided to call it like it is. Zander actually made the decision for us. After wondering if Zander had picked up on us calling it a penis, I asked him where his penis was. He proudly pointed it out for mommy, and that was that.

Well, I think I have used the word penis enough in this post to garner many future "accidental tourists" from the land of search engines...don't you?

Where Did My Sick Days Go?

2007-05-18T10:43:00.000-04:00

I think that's the only thing I miss about work. My days off. Whether for vacation, or convalescing from a cold.

I wish I could take a sick day today.

My throat is on fire. My nose is running....it's so sore from blowing it feels like I've been using sandpaper instead of tissue. I have coughing attacks that leave me breathless. The sinus pressure is so bad that one or both of my eyeballs may just pop right out of their sockets. Fun.

But I'm a stay-at-home mom. We don't get sick days.

Today I'm taking care a not-quite 1 year old who is dealing with the same cold as I am. He has lost most of his appetite, and when I can finally get him to eat he struggles with it....his throat must be so sore. He's uncomfortable. He's cranky. He's clingy.

Also in my charge for the day is a busy 2-year old. This little boy still hasn't figured out how to share his toys. As soon as his little brother starts playing with something of his, he snatches it away. And then the screaming starts. This toddler has also figured out this his little brother is getting some extra attention....attention he wants. More screaming. And it seems that big brother has caught the same nasty bug. Joy.

And here I sit...wishing I had a sick day. I know...I know...I should buck up. So what if I'm feeling a little under the weather. I have kids to take care of....kids who need their mother. This is what I wanted...to stay home and take care of them. I knew what I was getting into. I have no regrets.

Except for today. Today I regret that I can't take a sick day. 'Cause you know what....I feel like crap! And I'm fucking tired. I've been up the past two nights coddling my sick baby boy, and having coughing fits myself. All I want to do is curl up in a ball, in my nice comfy bed, and sleep. That's all. And I don't feel guilty about that.

Well....maybe a little....

No Peas Please

2007-05-16T20:05:00.000-04:00

Content Advisory: The following post contains descriptive baby-poop language, and may not be suitable for all readers. I needed to vent!

Mmmmmm....green peas. I love green peas. Cooked. Raw when they are freshed picked from the field. Alone. In casseroles. Whatever. I love them!

I don't like them in Logan's diaper.

Logan was sitting in the chair-of-death after dinner tonight when he started complaining. I thought it was just some Logan-crank brought on by his latest cold. Not so. When I got closer I smelled something familiar...peas. Not the delicious sweet smell of peas I love....it was something far more sinister.

This day had just gone from bad to worse.

Logan had the worst diaper blow-out in recent history. The chair-of-death was covered in it. His pants were covered in it. Soon, I was covered in it. When I pulled his pants off I discovered that both his legs were covered in it. Of course his legs were the first things his little hands searched for...which meant his hands were covered in it.

It was nasty. It was foul. It was suffocating. I will spare you anymore detail.

One thing has me perplexed. Logan hasn't had peas in 3 days.

Runny Noses and Leaky Eyes

2007-05-16T13:43:00.000-04:00

Logan and Zander have been fighting off the same cold for over a month...since Easter. It is just a lingering cough now....at least it is for Zander.

Last night Logan's nose started getting stuffy again, and his cough got much worse. He started the night out in his crib, but inevitably ended up in bed with mommy and daddy around 1am.

Today he's just a sorry sight. He's mommy-clingy. His left eye is watering like a river down the side of his face. His nose is running, causing him to smear slimy snot across his face, sleeves and hands. His voice is raspy. He is so sensitive and irritable that just the slightest thing going wrong (dropping a toy, wobbling when he's crawling, bumping into something,....) sends him into a crying-coughing frenzy. His coughing attacks are so bad that he ended up throwing up his breakfast and his Prevacid....which I had to re-administer lest his reflux throw it's hat into the ring. One thing at a time please!

It seems like it's just been one cold after another for him lately. I can't even remember a day when he didn't cough. My poor little man.

He's The Man

2007-05-15T09:11:00.000-04:00

He's the man whose hair was dyed bright orange when I met him in college.

He's the man who made me really believe that bald is beautiful.

He's the man who has always been there for me, through good times and bad.

He's the man who makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.

He's the man who gave me my two beautiful, wonderful, perfect sons.

He's the man who can always make me smile.

He's the smartest man I've ever known, without being a know-it-all.

He's the man who has a sense of humour identical to mine.

He's the man who, as cheesy as it sounds, has made my life complete.

He's the man whose kiss, after 10 years, still makes me weak in the knees.

He's the man who gets along with ALL of my friends and family.

He's the man who flirts with me shamelessly ever single day.

He's the man who loves me as I am, faults and all.

He's the man my sons adore - the best father they could ever have.

He's the man who supports our family so that I can stay at home to raise our children.

He's the man who makes sure I always feel needed and loved.

He's the man who is definitely a 50-50 partner in this parenting thing...sometimes even more.

He's the man I can't wait to see come through the door at 5pm everyday.

He's the man I can be totally myself around.

He's the man I've always dreamed of.

He's the man I love more than words can say.

He's the man I married 3 years ago today.

Happy Anniversary baby!

Spinning

2007-05-14T01:30:00.000-04:00

That's what I've been doing for the past week and a half....spinning. Spinning and spinning and spinning. Isn't Vertigo great?

The day before Zander's birthday, I woke up to see the room spinning around me. Fun, but a little disconcerting. Once it stopped spinning, everything stayed still....until that night.

As soon as I went to bed, I started spinning again. Even with my eyes closed, I felt like I was on some type of sadistic amusement park ride. I didn't get much sleep that night as I kept feeling like I was falling off the edge of the bed, which I was nowhere near.

The next morning, Zander's birthday, I awoke to the now-familiar sight of the room spinning. Carlos and I quickly realized that I would not be able to take care of the on my own...he called in sick. So we spent Zander's birthday all together as a family....and the room continued to spin.

That afternoon I went to the local walk-in clinic to find that I had Vertigo caused by Labyrinthitis....otherwise known as an inner ear infection. But doesn't Labyrinthitis sound so much more exotic???

So for the past 10 days I've been spinning around the house...and unable to look at the computer screen without getting a wierd type of motion sickness. Hence my absence from the Blogosphere. But I'm back.

And just in time for Mother's Day, I have a bee-otch of a headache that is making my left eye bulge, and has me yearning for some sort of blunt force trama to my skull. Joy of joys.

A Letter To The Birthday Boy

2007-05-03T09:07:00.000-04:00

My darling Zander,

I can hardly believe that it was two years ago today that you came into our lives. I remember it like it was yesterday.

You were so tiny. After you were born, daddy and I just sat there holding you, gazing down at your beautiful face. We counted your 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes. We peeked under your little hat to see you dark hair. It was the happiest day.

Zander - 1.5 hours old
so perfect

Zander - 2 days old
just before we brought him home from the hospital

And now it's two years later. And oh, how you've grown. You've gone from a tiny baby boy to a walking, talking drawing, building two year old. You amaze us everyday with the things you are learning. You are changing so fast. I can't wait to see what you will do next.

Zander - 2 years old
still in his jammies surrounded by 20 birthday balloons

You have made our lives so wonderful and amazing. I can't remember what our lives were like without you. You make everyday better.

Zander - 2 years old
My little man...he's growing up so fast!

We love you so much, Zander. Happy Birthday!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Mommy! Mommy! Guess What I Found!

2007-04-30T22:21:00.000-04:00

Okay...Logan didn't say that....'cause he doesn't talk yet. But I know he was thinking it as he gave me his sheepish little grin.

Logan and Zander were having their bath, and playing the way they usually do.....Zander splashing until every wall in the bathroom was shiny from water as it cascaded to the floor, Logan laughing like a madman at the wet mess his big brother is making. Once the waterworks died down, the boys turned their focus to the bath toys floating around them. That is when Logan found a new toy.....his penis.

Yes, ladies and gents, my youngest son has found his penis....and I must say he was quite pleased with his discovery. There he sat in his bath seat....twisting it and turning it, pulling it and tugging it.....examining it like I had never seen him examine anything before. Little does he know, his new-found game will be a life-long obsession.

This brought back memories of Zander discovering this very same appendage. As a new mom, it made me a little uncomfortable....at first. I quickly saw the humour in it....and it's all so perfectly natural, so what's there to be uncomfortable about? But this has brought up a bit of a conundrum for Carlos and I...what should we call it?

Zander will be turning 2 years old in a couple of days. He's getting close to the potty-training stage. And his vocabulary increases daily. Now is the time to decide how we will address the boys' penises.

There seem to be two schools of thought on this topic. 1) just call it a penis, 2) make up some cutesy name for it. But which way should we go? That's what we're trying to decide.

I have no problem calling it a penis...this doesn't bother me one bit. But I know it bothers others....for instance, my mother. I have witnessed her subtly cringe when I say "penis" in reference to her grandsons. So should we make up a name for it???

On the other hand, will having a nickname for my sons' penises make it feel awkward for them to start calling it a penis later on?

I'm not really sure what we are going to do, but we need to decide soon. Zander is picking up new words faster now than ever before. Say it once or twice, and he's added it to his ever-expanding list of words.

I know there are moms of boys reading my blog. Any thoughts on the subject??? I would love to hear your experiences!

The Deposit Is Down

2007-04-29T09:25:00.000-04:00

We went back to look at the model homes yesterday....and we put a deposit down on a lot. This means that we have a week to go back with another cheque and sign some more papers. And then the fun starts. Picking the colours, flooring, counter tops, etc. We don't have money for upgrades, so we will have to stick with the standard stuff that is included in the base price....but I'm more worried about the space. We can fancy it up in a few years when I'm back to work.

As I said before, we went for another town home, so as not to stretch our single-income budget. I don't to be forced to go back to work before the boys are in school. I am sad to say that we couldn't afford an end-unit. This means that our backyard will be miniscule. But that is my only regret.

The model we chose is an open-concept floor plan, which is exactly what we wanted. It will allow me to keep an eye on the boys while I can actually get some work done in the kitchen....unloading and loading the dishwasher, making dinner, etc. That will be nice!

It has an L-shaped kitchen with an island on a diagonal looking out into the living space. The dining room is right off the kitchen, and the living room (with gas-burning fire place!) is right beside that. It's a nice, open space...and I love it.

It also has the laundry on the second floor where the bedrooms are....a definate bonus for a family with two young ~~troublemakers~~ boys!

The boys bedrooms are not huge, but a good size for sure. One is 10' X 12', and the other is 10' X 12'8". Bigger than the secondary bedrooms in all of the other models we looked at.

The master is not huge either....but I'm not one who needs more room than what my bed and night tables require. But I do like walk-in closets....and this has got one....a big one.....nice! And the ensuite has a large corner soaker tub. This was one of our requirements. Do you know what kind of strategizing is require for a large 5'10" woman to have a bath in a standard sized tub?????? I just isn't relaxing, I'll tell you that! And there tend to be a lot of "Calgon, take me away" moments with the boys, so that will be sooooo nice to have!

There is also a large finished rec room, so we can have some place other than our living room for the boys to have all of their toys. And plenty of storage room in the basement....something our current house doesn't have.

So if all goes well, we will be in our new home for Christmas. So I have a few months to figure out where the Christmas tree will go!

Fun Family Facts

2007-04-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

I thought, with all stress we've been going through the past couple of weeks, I would do something fun. The boys are so much alike, and at the same time so completely different. I thought I would do a little comparison thingy by way of a list of facts about the two of them. I've also thrown in some "fun facts" about mommy and daddy too. Enjoy!

Zander will be 2 years old in May.
Logan will be 1 year old in June.

Zander was born 15 days early.
Logan was born 5 weeks early.

Zander weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces when he was born.
Logan weighed 5 pounds 6 ounces when he was born.

Zander is 23.5 months old.
Logan is 10.5 months old. His corrected age is 9 months.

Zander weighs approximately 25 pounds.
Logan weighs approximately 26 pounds (nope...not a typo).

Zander & Logan are both CRAZY ticklish.

Most of the solid food that Zander eats is still pureed due to his many food aversions and ridiculously strong gag reflex.
All of the solid food that Logan eats is pureed due to the fact that he's only 10 months old.

Zander & Logan's daddy is Portuguese. He was born in the Azores, and came to Canada when he was 6 years old.

Zander & Logan's mommy is Danish-Canadian. She was born in Canada, but both her parents are Danish, and moved to Canada before she was born.

Zander likes to stack wooden blocks.
Logan likes to eat wooden blocks.

Zander & Logan both wear cloth diapers as often as is convenient.

Zander wears size 5 Huggies diapers.
Logan wears size 5 Huggies diapers, but he wears a bigger size of cloth diaper than his big brother.

Logan has long, black eyelashes.
Zander has longer, black eyelashes. They are longer than the fake ones I wore for my wedding.

Zander & Logan take their baths together.

Mommy gained 70 pounds when she was expecting Zander.
Mommy gained 6 pounds when she was expecting Logan.

Zander & Logan have the same God Parents. Tia (aunt in Portuguese) Sonia (Carlos' sister) and uncle Vince (Sonia's husband).

Zander loves to dance.
Logan loves to watch Zander dance.

Zander adores his ~~Carl~~ daddy.
So does Logan.

Zander's current fave foods are squash, carrots, breaded fish, french fries, toast, bananas and yogurt.
Logan's fave food is food.

Zander loves to splash in the bathtub.
Logan laughs uncontrollably when Zander splashes in the bathtub.

Zander & Logan both have big gorgeous blue eyes.

Zander has a little eczema on his arms and legs...occasionally on his chest and belly.
Logan has eczema on his arms, legs, chest, belly, back, face, hands, feet,......basically everywhere he has skin.

Zander calls Logan "Gun".
Logan calls Zander "babadadamamalalatatafafapapa....."....it just goes on and on.

Zander's fave TV show is "Mighty Machines".
Logan's fave TV show is "The Mole Sisters". (Tia Sonia thinks they're creepy.)

Zander LOVES reading books.
Logan LOVES eating books.

Zander fits some 24 month / 2 year size clothes, but mostly 18-month clothes (he's a skinny little man).
Logan fits some 12-month size clothes, but mostly 18-month clothes.

Zander & Logan share most of their clothes!

Zander sleeps crosswise at the top of his crib (he really likes to wedge himself in there!).
Due to his GERD, Logan's crib mattress is at a 35 degree angle, and he sleeps strapped to the mattress with a harness so he doesn't slide down.

Zander gets Tempra or Motrin when he is in pain from teething.
Logan gets Prevacid once a day and Zantac twice a day to control his GERD, Gaviscon for break-through reflux episodes, and Tempra or Motrin when he is in pain from teething.

Zander loves to draw with crayons.
Logan loves to eat crayons.

Zander wears size 5 shoe.
Logan wears size 3 shoe.

Zander has 16 teeth.
Logan has 2 teeth.

Zander has his own bedroom.
Logan sleeps in mommy and daddy's bedroom since his GERD can make him wake up multiple times a night, and he cannot soothe himself back to sleep on his own since he cannot get his own pacifier...remember, he's strapped to the mattress. (Mommy and daddy are hoping to get their bedroom to themselves soon!)

Zander's middle name is Xavier.
Logan's middle name is Zakary.

Zander and Logan's daddy loves names that start with letters at the end of the alphabet.

Zander walks and runs like a pro (with the occasional speed wobble).
Logan just started to crawl (finally!).

Zander is obsessed with trains, tractors, and trucks, of all kinds, planes, helicopters, any mode of transportation or construction / demolition. (his "machines")
Logan is obsessed with pounding things into the floor.

Zander & Logan's daddy is a computer programmer. His hobby is computer programming.
Zander & Logan's mommy is a stay at home mom. Her hobby is cardmaking...papercrafting in general.

Zander & Logan have a Mormor (Danish for grandmother on mother's side - direct translation is "mother's mother") and Morfar (Danish for grandfather on mother's side -direct translation is "mother's father"), and an Avó (Portuguese for grandmother - pronounced "av-ah") and Avô (Portuguese for grandfather - pronounced "av-oh").

Zander & Logan are the sunshine in mommy and daddy's lives!

I Clean!

2007-04-24T20:56:00.000-04:00

Dinner tonight was....well....it was just one of those nights when neither son was willing to eat. There was screaming. There was crying. There was much grief. Until Zander did something that made mommy and daddy smile.

He took the face cloth we had to wipe Logan's face....and started to wipe up the mess that he'd made on the table. As he did this, he proudly proclaimed "I clean!"....my dear, sweet, obsessively clean (this kid doesn't even like to have crumbs from toast on his hands for more than 2 seconds) boy!

Let's just hope that he will continue to be a self-cleaning boy (I know...I know....doubtful....just let me keep the dream alive!)

Little Mr. Clean

We Have Lift Off

2007-04-23T09:10:00.000-04:00

Logan FINALLY started to crawl yesterday!

Due to his GERD, he didn't get a lot of floor time (tummy time or otherwise). It was pretty much impossible for him to lie flat for the first 5 months of his life. He would start to reflux within a couple of minutes...even with all the medication he was on.

So he was late rolling over (he was 6 months old before he could roll over both ways), he was late sitting up on his own (he was almost 9 months old), and he was late crawling (he is 10.5 months old).

Don't get me wrong...I'm not one of those mothers who is obsessed with milestones. I realize that we still have to go by his corrected age due to him being premature. I realize that GERD causes developmental delays. I'm not really worried about all that jazz.

What I am worried about is Logan being bored and cranky, and needing constant entertainment....from me. Until now, he hasn't been able to go where he wanted to go, or get to the toy he wanted to play with. I can never be more than a few feet away at any given moment, so that I may hand him a toy or move him to where he wants to be. Hopefully this new ability will allow him to have more fun without needing my help all the time....and to stop the incessant whining!

I can't believe how much he's grown in the last couple of months! My big little boy!

Looking For Home

2007-04-22T11:05:00.000-04:00

With all the trials and tribulations of the past 10 months dealing with Logan and his GERD, it has become painfully obvious how isolated we are here in the West end of Ottawa.

All of our support system, friends and family alike, live in the East end. It's been tough for them to find the time to be here to help us when we needed it. It's been tough for us to be so far away from everyone, and feeling like we had no right to call on them knowing how far they would have to travel. It's been tough for me, being here alone with 2 kids while Carlos is at work.

So, we've decided to pick up and move to the East end to be near everyone important to us. This has filled us with joy and excitement, as well as fear and anxiety.

We went looking at model homes yesterday, for the first time. (We were supposed to go last Saturday, but two little snotty boys put the kibosh on that plan!) We decided a few weeks ago that new construction might be our best option. We could get the floor plan that we want, and a planned move-in date for less than the same house built by someone else two years ago. We can save money going this route, and have a plan and time line to go by. This will be useful for selling our own house...having a date to work toward rather than looking for a previously-enjoyed home at the same time as selling our current house. Moving with two young children is hard enough...we're trying to make it as easy on ourselves as possible. We really liked what we saw yesterday...one model in particular. So now the number crunching begins. Hopefully we can manage it on one salary. It's all so exciting!

On the other hand, the thought of selling this house is stressful to say the least. Getting the house ready for sale isn't going to be easy. Some things need to be updated (kitchen, bathrooms) before we put it up for sale. Some yard work needs to be done as well. And then there's the clutter....all the clutter that comes with having two kids in a tiny townhome. We are going to have to purge purge purge! And somethings will need to be packed up and put in storage. Luckily my SIL has offered her garage, so we won't have to pay for a storage unit.

And then there's the memories. All the memories of first words, first steps...I've never like this house, and was always looking forward to leaving. But having children has made me attached to this place. It's probably good that we're moving now...not sure if I could leave a place that my kids had lived in for years and years. Ya...I'm a sentimental fool.

But I realize that these memories have been recorded in the form of TONS of digital pictures and videos. The memories will still be in my head and in my heart. And there are many more memories to be made in our new home.

So I'm trying to keep the sadness at leaving the only home the boys have known at bay by focusing on the positive. If all goes well, we will be moving into a brand new home before Christmas. A home with the exact layout that we want, with the colours, flooring and finishes of our choosing. We will be closer to friends and family (which means I will probably be getting out more...woohoo!). A fresh start for our family!

Now....how are we going to find the time and energy to do this?

I Think & I Blog, Therefore I Get An Award!

2007-04-20T13:40:00.000-04:00

Sara from Suburban Oblivion recently bestowed a Thinking Blogger Award on me. Is it well deserved? I'm not sure. But I will accept it, and all the accolades that come with receiving such a prestigious award (yes, I'm currently standing in the middle of my living room, bowing before a myriad of ~~tripping hazards~~ stuffed animals and assorted electronic educational ~~noisemakers~~ toys), if only to lift my spirits after two weeks of crappy happenings! I'm giddy with pride (teehee!), and still blushing from reading all the lovely things she wrote about me in her post (cheque's in the mail, Sara!).

When I read that Sara, herself, had been given this award by a fellow-blogger, I thought "good for her". She definitely deserves it! Her blog sucked me in the first time I read it. She has an extremely honest style of writing that I just L-O-V-E. She makes me laugh on a regular basis, which is good for the soul. And I can identify with her in her posts about mommyhood.

As I humbly accept this award, I take on the task that comes with it. I must now bestow this most prestigious of awards on 5 other deserving bloggers.

I, like Sara, have instead decided to pass this award on to one über-deserving woman. Karla from Untangling Knots. I have written about her in the past. She inspired me to start my own blog, and continues to be an inspiration to me and so many others. She writes honestly and freely, holding nothing back. And man, is she witty! I have the utmost respect for her. I do hope she accepts this award...she truly deserves it! Check out her blog...she's an absolutely amazing woman!

Searching For Answers

2007-04-20T12:42:00.000-04:00

We recently received news that has left me shaken and heart-broken.

Friends of ours just lost their baby. After an emergency C-Section, Emily Grace was born brain dead as a result of her umbilical cord being wrapped tightly around her neck. I am so sad for their loss.

And this horrific news brings up so many questions.

Why do bad things like this happen to good people like our friends, and Karla from Untangling Knots? And why are people like Carlos and I the lucky ones? Who gets to decide this?

When Zander was born, it was a similar story to that of Emily Grace, but with a much happier ending. After arriving at the hospital in the midst of blinding contractions, I was hooked up to the usual monitoring gizmos for the baby's heart rate and such. It was soon obvious that the baby was in trouble, as with each contraction his heart rate would drop from the 160's down below 50.

Within seconds there were nurses and doctors swarming around the room like flies, efficiently going about what it is they are trained to do in this situation. We were told the baby had to come out NOW. Fortunately, he was already so far down the birth canal that emergency surgery would not be needed. The vacuum was in the doctor's hand, but the thought of my baby being in mortal danger sent me into some sort of supermom-like trance, and with two herculean pushes, he was born.

It took a few minutes, but we did start breathing...and then came the cry we had so longed to hear. All of this took minutes, but it felt like forever.

I am so grateful and truly blessed that Zander and Logan were both born healthy....but why was Emily Grace denied a chance at life? I don't understand.

When I started to lose my hair, I was beside myself. I thought I had that I was being punished for something horrible I had done...perhaps in a past life. The only way I could come to grips with what had happened, and get on with my life was to force myself to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe I was being taught an important lesson. Maybe this is what I needed to start to truly like myself, which I had never really done before. What I needed to see my life, past present and future, from a whole new perspective.

This belief has gotten me through some truly tough times. But now it makes me wonder...what could possibly be the reason for the death of a child. I can think of none.

It does, however, make me realize what a true miracle it is that Anvilcloud's granddaughter was born in perfect health, and is safe and sound in her parents' arms.

I wish I could say the same for Emily Grace. Their are far too many angels like her in heaven...why?

There's Only So Much A Cate Can Take

2007-04-19T10:12:00.000-04:00

Seriously....I think our house is punishing us for wanting to leave.

Last night the humidifier on our furnace sprang a leak. Carlos went downstairs to see the now familiar scene of an indoor flood. Again, he was up late trying to rid our basement of water.

On another note, Zander has been showing signs of dehydration since he caught this awful cold. At one point he had almost completely stopped peeing, which we all know is not good. We took him to the doctor, and he has to have some tests done on his urine....which means we have to collect it. Good luck!

And to top it all off, the cold, which Logan has handled better than his older brother up until now, has descended into his chest. He was up all night coughing, and once again ended up in bed with us.

What's next? Here's hoping it's a big win in the lottery!

Man, These Guys Are Good!

2007-04-18T11:26:00.000-04:00

Last night we discovered that the shut-off valve on the top of our newly installed water heater is leaking. Inspires confidence, doesn't it?

The Company sent the nice man back this morning to fix it. Free of charge, no less....what a deal!

The Great Flood of 2007...In My Basement

2007-04-17T14:57:00.000-04:00

Content Advisory: The following post contains profane language, and may not be suitable for all readers. I've had a very bad day!

Last night, after both boys were asleep (Zander in his bed, Logan in my arms digesting his last bottle), Carlos heard a strange noise coming from the basement. He went downstairs to investigate. That's when I heard him yell "Holy SHIT!" at the top of his lungs. This was followed by the sound of slamming doors, and objects of varying sizes being thrown in all directions. I thought "maybe the cats have done something....again". Since Logan had just finished eating a few minutes earlier, and was now sound asleep in my arms, I figured I would wait for Carlos to come back upstairs to find out what had happened.

A few minutes later, there was still no sign of Carlos. So I decided I should probably find out what type of mess he was attempting to clean up down there. I buckled Logan into the chair of death, made sure I had wedged enough under the legs to prevent him from injuring himself....again....and made my way downstairs.

At the top of the stairs I could already make out the sound of rushing water...my heart started beating harder. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw the pool of water..."What the fuck????". I turned the corner to see the root of this river that was threatening the life of my laminate wood flooring. The water heater was spewing forth steaming hot water, and flooding our rec room. Shit!

In the time it had taken me to come and see what the commotion was, Carlos had turned the water off to house and started to drain the water remaining in the tank into a bucket. He had just plugged in the shop vac, and started to madly suck up as much water as he could. In the meantime, I ran back upstairs to retrieve anything I could lay my hands on that might help sop up the water that was surely starting to soak into the flooring....old sheets, receiving blankets (of which we have thousands), etc. I did what I could with the blankets, and helped keep an eye on the bucket the tank was emptying into.

Carlos kept emptying the shop vac and bucket into basin in the laundry room. That is, until it was plugged with cat hair that was being sucked up along with the water. The tub was now full of nasty-ass, dirty, cat-hairy water, and it wasn't draining. I could feel my last thread of sanity that remained after the events of the last few days starting to fray.

On our side was the fact that we have a walk-out basement. I opened the patio door leading to the backyard, and we started dumping water, and throwing non-salvageable items outside. (I'm sad to say that the cats' scratching-post-condo-thingy was saturated beyond redemption, and we had to say goodbye.)

It took just over an hour to drain the water heater, and contain and cleanup the ensuing flood. We then took stock of the situation.

First of all, the mentally disabilitated (yes, I know that's not a real word) builders of this fucking house didn't put a fucking drain in the floor of the fucking furnace room where the fucking water heater is! I still can't believe that passed inspection, even 20 years ago when this house was built. I mean, COME ON!

Secondly, Carlos called the company that we have been renting the water heater in question from....lets just call them "The Company". He told The Company we needed a replacement water heater installed. The customer service rep told him we could not request a new water heater...they would have to send someone to inspect our current water heater to see if it needed replacing, or could just be fixed. Carlos promptly told The Company that our current water heater was currently "inspecting" all over our rec room floor! And come on....did ya think we're calling you at midnight asking for a new water heater just for shits and giggles?????

We are already acquainted with The Company's inspection process. When we bought the house a few years ago, our inspection revealed that we should have the water heater looked at, as it was advanced in years and had some rust along the bottom. At our request, The Company sent someone to come and "inspect" the water heater. He took a 90 second cursory glance, said it looked fine, and left. Thank you so much for your time....jackass!

So this morning a very nice man from The Company came to our house, looked at the water heater and told us it would need to be replaced. REALLY? Are you sure? He said that we wouldn't have to pay an installation charge (you're fucking right, we're not paying an installation charge!), and that we could upgrade from a 40 gallon to a 50 gallon tank for only an additional $1.25 a month. Great! Then he said something that almost sent me over the edge....he said " we've had a lot of leaking water heaters lately, so we won't be able to have someone come out until tomorrow and install that for you." Are you fucking kidding me? We've got two small children and two adults living in this house, and since you won't replace your water heaters until they explode, I would think you could at least install the replacement the same day!

I'm not sure whether the nice man put in a good word for us, or if the powers that be decided to give us a break, but The Company called shortly after the nice man left. "We happen to have a team available to install your replacement tank today. Would you like them to head over?" Do you even have to ask? Seriously!

Anyway, as of around 1:30pm today, we had a brand spankin' new water heater, and hot water aplenty.

I'm not sure if you can tell by the tone and/or language of this post, but I'm a little bitter. And the bitterness remains. I realize that it could have been worse. I am grateful that the Company was very prompt in the delivery and installation of our new water heater. But I'm still pissed off.

I'm pissed off at the fact that The Company won't replace a water heater unless 1)The Company is willing to replace it, or 2)the water heater in question explodes. I'm pissed off that The Company doesn't take responsibility for damages incurred after one of these aforementioned water heater explosions. I'm pissed off that The Company doesn't have some type of inspection program for water heaters over a certain age in order to prevent this type of explosion for occurring in the first place. And I'm pissed off that The Company has received more than $2500 over the 20 year life of a water heater that probably cost them no more than $400 when it was new, and they still can't see fit to treat their customers with a modicum of respect.

At least...and I've had to search REALLY hard for the silver lining here...when we sell this house, which we are planning to do sometime in the next 6 months, we use the brand spankin' new water heater as a selling point.

Behold, our glorious new heater of water!

A Bit Of Sunshine At The End Of A Bad Day

2007-04-16T19:30:00.000-04:00

I was hoping that the day couldn't get worse after what happened with Zander earlier. Well, it didn't. It got better!

Logan just said his first word! I can't believe it!

We were watching Zander's fave Mighty Machines (the one with the planes, helicopters, etc.). Every time one of the plane takes off on the show, Zander says "Bye" to them. It actually sounds more like "Bah"....like he's southern. Well, he was sitting on the couch doing just that, while Logan was sitting on the floor facing the couch.

All of a sudden Logan responded to one of Zander's "Bye"s with one of his own!!! I looked at Carlos...."did he just say bye?". He said "I think so!". I repeatedly prompted him to say it, and every time he did as I asked. Then he turned toward the TV, and proudly said "Buh" to one of the planes taking flight. It was absolutely adorable.

Just the ray of sunshine I needed after a day like today!

And The Worst Mom Award Goes To...

2007-04-16T17:04:00.000-04:00

....uh....that would be ME!

My poor little Zander was up coughing all night, and didn't get much sleep. So I wanted to make sure he got a good long nap.

Around 3:30pm he started talking to himself, which he normally does when he wakes up. He sometimes makes me wonder if there's someone, unseen to me, in the room with him. Anyway, he was coughing quite hard and saying "I wanna go", but he didn't sound upset.

At the same time, I was trying to get Logan to drink a bottle without suffocating him...his nose is still completely clogged. So I figured I would get Logan fed before I went to get Zander. By the time Logan was done eating, Zander wasn't talking anymore, so I thought that he had gone back to sleep.

He started talking again around 4pm. So I put Logan down to play, made a sippy cup of milk for Zander, and went upstairs to get him. When I first entered the room, I smelled something....was it poop? It doesn't really smell like poop. I turned on the light. There was Zander, standing with arms in the air signalling for me to pick him up. He had something brown all over one side of his face, and in his hair. I could also spy through the crib slats a large brown spot on his sheet. I thought "Oh gawd...he's had a diaper blow-out!". But no.....it was vomit. He had thrown up in his crib and all over himself. I believe it was brought on....or out...by one of his coughing attacks.

What made it worse was the fact that it was starting to dry on his shirt, and was completely stiff on his face and in his hair. I have no idea how long he was sitting in it.

I told him to hold on, and ran to get some wet cloths and receiving blankets. I had to take his shirt off before I lifted him out of the crib, otherwise we both would have been covered in it. I got him onto the change table, and stripped him off his pants and socks. I then proceeded to try to scrape the caked-on puke off of his face, out of his ear and nostrils, and comb it out of his hair. It took a while.

I was crying while I was trying to clean him up, I felt so guilty. And do you know what my sweet sweet boy did? He started making cute, goofy faces and flashing smiles at me to try to cheer me up. Of course, it made me cry harder!

Carlos will be home any minute, and both boys will then go into the bath. We normally give them their bath after supper, before bed. But this calls for a change of routine!

I've been a mother for just shy of 2 years now, but I will never get used to the amazing level of guilt a mother can feel. I mean, he wasn't screaming or anything that would signify an emergency. And I had my hands full trying to feed a screaming Logan. But he never says "I wanna go" when he's just woken up in his crib...I should have checked on him.

So, I guess I will spend the night wallowing in self-pity, self-doubt, and guilt. At least Zander has recovered better than I have!

The End Might Be Near

2007-04-15T22:37:00.000-04:00

The end of this awful cold, that is.

We just put Logan to sleep. In his crib. And he's actually sleeping. In his crib. Without screaming. I'm speechless. A nice quiet end to a day of ups and downs.

Today was better than yesterday. Yesterday was exhausting. Both of the boys were screaming most of the day. Zander was so far from his normal self that we were really worried. He was awake at around 6am, but didn't fall asleep until 4:30pm (he normally has a nap around 1pm). And he wouldn't sleep in his bed. He only fell asleep when Carlos cradled him and walked around rocking him. As soon as Carlos would stop moving or sit down for a break, Zander would wake up screaming. It was crazy. That, and the fever and juicy coughs almost sent us to the hospital.

Last night (or this morning, I should say!) we couldn't get Logan to bed until 2am....and it HAD to be in bed with us. He wouldn't sleep anywhere else but my arms, and they were getting tired! He was restless the entire night. I'm embarrassed to say that I actually started to cry this morning when he had a meltdown around 7am...it was completely fatigue-induced, but I'm still not proud of myself.

I started a sore throat yesterday, and it just got worse overnight. I woke up this morning at 11:30am all alone in our big king size bed. No Carlos....no Logan. But I could hear little-boy laughter downstairs. Carlos had let me sleep in. What a great hubby!

I made my way downstairs, walking like 95 year old woman. My back and shoulders are so messed up from the last couple of days. My throat was burning. Even though I got to sleep in longer than I have since Zander was born 2 years ago, I was still woozy-dizzy with exhaustion.

Apparently, the boys were little playful angels this morning. Lunch wasn't fun, though. Zander was so tired that he didn't want to eat anything. I'm sure the skinny-minny has lost at least a pound since last week! Logan struggled to drink his bottle, blowing snot bubbles from his nose the whole time. Poor little guy.

Zander fell asleep around 1pm, and didn't wake up until just after 5pm! Logan fell asleep with his bottle around 12:30pm, and slept on and off until 2:30pm. Logan was hard to keep entertained all day. Zander was crazy cranky when he woke up. We were really worried, because he reverted back to his screaming state of yesterday. But I think he was just wasn't feeling well because he slept much longer than usual. He got back to normal within an hour. And then he was all smiles.

So, while the boys seem to be recovering from this bitch of a cold, I have now fallen victim to it. My cough has gotten worse throughout the day, my throat feels like it is filled with hot shrapnel, and I'm now walking like I'm 120 years old. I actually groan when I'm getting off the couch! I'm so tired that I can't walk a straight line.

Why am I still up, you ask? I want to make sure Logan is deeply asleep before I attempt to go to bed. I fear waking the dragon. I can't take another night like the past couple. I will go to bed only when I am confident that the rustling of my down duvet from my bid to get comfortable will not throw him into a screaming frenzy. Hopefully that will be soon...my eyes are starting to cross.

One Monsterous Cold vs Two Little Boys

2007-04-14T09:38:00.000-04:00

Okay....I was hoping that it had peaked the other night....and now I'm hoping that it peaked last night, 'cause BOY was I wrong!

Logan slept in his crib most of the night, but kept waking up and needing to be soothed back to sleep. He ended up in bed with us around 5:30am.

Zander was whimpering all night, and got us out of bed with an ear-piercing, blood-curdling shreak at 7:30am. The cold has now installed itself deep down in his chest.

It's not going to be a good day.

The Snot Saga Continues

2007-04-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

Carlos and I are currently sitting on the couch with a snotty, hoarse, phlegmy Zander. He started screaming about 45 minutes ago....as soon as we went in to check on him, we could hear how much worse he had gotten in the 3 hours since he was put to bed. His cries were making him cough so bad that he was gagging, so we gave in and brought him back downstairs to watch some of his "machines" on TV.

You can see the pain on his face every time he coughs. It breaks my heart. But through all of this crap, he can still smile when I play Peek (the -a-boo got dropped many moons ago) with him. Way to take it like a little man! I know some people that would be moaning and groaning at less.

"Mighty Machines" just ended, and he still had the energy to yell "dad....DAD!" ...his way of demanding more entertainment.

The good news is little GERD boy (aka Logan) has been sleeping peacefully in his slanty crib, all tucked nice and cozy into his harness for the past couple of hours. Are we out of the woods with him? Well...that's like saying "shutout" before the hockey game's over....yes, I'm Canadian.

Judging by the current progression of Zander's cold, let's hope Logan has evaded this phlegmy hell! 'Cause if he's going down, he's gonna bring us all down with him!

Snot? No thanks, but please pass the sleep.

2007-04-13T08:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it became apparent that Zander and Logan seem to have received a cold as an Easter present in Brighton. Both of them are drowning in snot, with the occasional cough and sneezing attack.

This would be a pain for most families, but for ours it's a nightmarish ordeal. You see, colds seem to cause Logan's GERD to flare up....and that causes no sleep for the rest of us.

We fed Logan his last bottle of the night around 9pm. And, as usual, we waited 45 minutes after he was done eating to put him to bed. To say he was restless is putting it lightly. He thrashed and screamed until we picked him up. And he was wide awake. This was just after 10pm.

We decided to bring him back downstairs to tucker himself out, since he refluxes if he screams too much. He played and played and played, with a little flirt here and there. Definately good for a laugh.

When he was displaying the telltale signs of sleepiness (around 11pm), we brought him up to bed. This time, he stayed there....for about an hour. Then the screaming commenced once again. At this point it was clear that he couldn't breathe through his little mucous-clogged nose. So we gave him some Dimetapp as a decongestant. Unfortunately he had been screaming so much up until this point that his reflux had kicked in. So he got some Gaviscon to combat the acid burning his esophagus. That did the trick....for a few minutes. He was wide awake. And he had realized that he was hungry.

Reluctantly, we brought him downstairs again to give him a bottle. Remember, every time he eats, he needs to be upright for 45 minutes before we can put him back to bed. It was now 12:30am. This did not bode well for the rest of the night.

Around 1:30am, he was ready to be put in his crib for the night....but started to scream as soon as he was laid down. This was reminiscent of Christmas. When we got home from Brighton after our Christmas visit, both boys had gotten an awful cold. For four days, Logan had to sleep upright the whole night because of his congestion and his reflux being aggravated by the cold. This meant that I had to sit in a chair propped up by pillows holding him all night. Fun? Hardly!

Since he is now 25 pounds, there was no way I could hold him all night. So we opted to strap him into the chair of death, wedging assorted findings underneath it to make sure he couldn't flip it over again. We placed the chair right next to my side of the bed. This worked well, except for the fact that he would start screaming if I stop rocking the chair gently, which required positioning myself right at the edge of the mattress and hanging an arm down to reach the chair. And their I was, precariously perched, rocking my one sick son to stifle his screams as I listened to my other sick son cry and whimper all night through the monitor. Joy.

Logan woke up a couple of times screaming because his chair had stopped moving. God forbid I fall asleep for a moment! Jeez! At 3:30am his screams were bad enough that I couldn't console him without removing him from the chair. So I sat with him for about 30 minutes to make sure he was asleep enough that I could put him back down in the chair.

At around 6:30am, my arms and shoulders were so cramped up from rocking him that I had to give up on the chair idea. I figured that it had been enough time for Logan to digest his midnight bottle, so his stomach should be empty. I brought him into bed with me, making sure to prop him up a little with my arm so he wasn't lying completely flat. So I got to sleep from 6:45am to 8am straight. Bonus. The things we do for our kids!

So here I sit....with about 2 hours of unrestful, disjointed sleep under my belt....letting the TV babysit the boys so I can have a break from the screams of discomfort and irritability coming from their puffy, snot-encrusted faces. And I refuse to feel guilty about it.

And I'm praying that lunch will be a breeze compared to breakfast. It was a long, drawn-out affair filled with high-pitched whining since the boys' plugged noses suffocated them with eat bite/sip.

What are the chances that it peaked last night, and tonight will be easier? I'm gonna say not good.

And no, there will be no cute little boy pictures today.

My Cockles Have Been Warmed

2007-04-11T20:41:00.000-04:00

Nothing warms the cockles of a mother's heart more than seeing her two young sons wrestling with each other for the first time!

A Hometown Easter

2007-04-11T09:07:00.000-04:00

We were in my hometown of Brighton for Easter. It's a lot of work to pack up the two little monsters, and monster paraphenalia, but it was well worth the trip.

On Saturday we had the family Easter festivities, which included my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and niece, and my aunt, uncle, cousins, cousins' significant others and cousins' children. In all, there were 14 adults and 6 kids under the age of 5. Cozy? Yes. Hectic? Understatement!

My cousin Karen organized craft time for the kids, which was fun. Zander had his first experience with markers, which left him with blue hands. He also decorated foam Easter eggs with foam shape stickers. He had a blast!

Zander creating.

Zander's creations.

Everyone marvelled at how big Logan is. I'm telling you, the kid is HUGE! He was nothing less than entertaining for the whole family. He flashed his big smile with his two tiny front teeth, and batted his eyelashes and his big, blue eyes for all the ladies. What a flirt.

What a big, round, rug-burned face!

Much food was eaten, much drink was consumed, much laughter was heard, much fun was had, much cleanup was required.....much rest was needed!

Sunday was just immediate family....it was so nice to spend quiet time with my parents, as well as my brother Andrew, his wife Chris-Anne and our niece. We don't get to see them as much as we would like. Our niece, Georgina, is 16 months old, and changes so much between visits. She is absolutely adorable...and a handful! But I love her so much. I really wish we could see them more. Andrew and Chris-Anne are expecting their second child in July. I can't wait to see Georgi as a big sister!

Zander & Georgi

Zander getting a hug from Georgi

In the afternoon, after all the kidlets were well rested, we headed down to the barn where are the "machines" (as Zander calls them) were parked. He got to sit on a tractor, see a dump truck, and get up in a big loader. He looked so proud sitting on the seat with both hands on the steering wheel. That was the highlight of Zander's weekend!

Zander walking with my mom, with my brother & Georgi following.

Zander & my dad on the tractor.

Farmer Zander
Zander's first ride in the loader.

Yup...that's Zander up there with dad.

Zander takes the wheel.

"Daddy, that tire is taller than you!"

"The only ride I got was bundled up in this crappy stroller!"
Maybe next time, Logan.

Everytime I go back to Brighton, I realize how much I miss living in the country, and small town life. Don't get me wrong...there are many advantages to living in the city, and I love my life here in Ottawa. But I was a small town girl until I was 20, so it's still a big part of who I am. It's just so peaceful there. And everything moves at a much slower pace. It's such a nice break to go back there.

All in all....best Easter ever.

Cookie Monster

2007-04-05T18:54:00.000-04:00

After this morning's trauma, we figured that Logan deserved a treat....his first cookie!

It was a grand success, and was enjoyed with much fervour.

By the way....why is it that the manufacturers of teething biscuits see fit to formulate them so that, when in contact with liquids such as baby drool or formula, they turn into a sticky glue-like substance that is near impossible to remove from between pudgy baby fingers, tiny nostrils, hair (baby, toddler and adult alike) and booster seat harnesses? Like I have nothing better to do with my time than to scrape and chisel dried cookie gunk off my son's chubby cheeks!

A Tale of Rocking Chairs and Rug Burn

2007-04-05T09:47:00.001-04:00

It's a cautionary tale, really.

When we were expecting Zander, we received a Fisher-Price rocking chair from two of my cousins. Zander loved it until he could sit on his own full-time...about 8 months old.

Zander
2 months old in the, now, infamous Chair of Danger

Now he has passed it on to his little brother, who has also had hours of enjoyment in it. Even though he is 10 months old and can sit on his own, Logan is still in it quite a bit. Because of his GERD, we can't just sit him on the floor after he's finished a meal. He needs to be upright for at least 30 minutes after he is done eating. But when he is sitting on the floor he often decides he would rather be rolling around, and tips himself over. So we strap him into the rocking chair until he's ready to play as he wishes.

When he was about 7 months old he realized that he could have tons of fun by rocking himself madly in his fave chair. The momentum this 24 pounds of cute boy can get going is really quite astonishing. And it was nearly his undoing this morning.

As usual, I had strapped him in his chair after his morning bottle in order to make his cereal and fruit. Carlos was in the kitchen with me, getting ready to go to work. That is when we heard a loud thud and ear-piercing shriek from the living room.

We ran to see what had happened. And there was Logan...hanging upside down, suspended from the harness of the up-ended rocking chair that was on top of him. It took a minute for Carlos to get him right-side-up again, since he was half-in and half-out of the harness...and he's quite heavy and unwieldy. It was awkward, to say the least!

I pick him up out of the chair and held him tight, trying to cease the high-pitched wail he was emitting. This took a few minutes. When he finally recovered from his panic, he looked up at us to reveal his face. His poor face!

My baby boy's beautiful round face is now a scratched-up, scraped-up mess. Just in time for a large family Easter gathering in my hometown this weekend. Joy!

I recently noticed that this chair has been redesigned. It now has small kickstands in the front and back to allow the child to remain sitting upright, but stop them from rocking the chair. It makes me wonder if this type of accident has happened before.

Nothing For Granted

2007-03-28T14:23:00.000-04:00

When I was pregnant with Zander, I was on the pregnancy forums at the Today's Parent website day and night. It was a great place to talk to woman in the same state of excitement, worry, confusion....I found so much comfort there.

And that is where I met (in the cyberspace sense of the word) Karla. She mentioned that she was blogging about her pregnancy, so I took a peek. She had such a great sense of humour about the whole thing. Man, she made me laugh! And what made it even more fun to read her almost-daily posts was that she was only due a few weeks before me.

And then one day, the laughter that I expected while reading her latest post was replaced by uncontrollable sobbing. She had lost the beautiful daughter she and her husband had been waiting so anxiously for.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I had a prenatal appointment that morning. My mother was in town, so the plan was that the two of us would go pick up Carlos at work, and then head to my appointment. After the appointment we were going to go out for lunch before Carlos had to head back to work.

About 15 minutes before we were to leave, I told my mom I was just going to check my email. I figured I had enough time to check Karla's blog, too, before leaving the house.

When I came back upstairs, my mother instantly panicked as my tear-stained face came into view. It was all I could do to choke out enough words to explain to my mother why I was crying. I could hardly bare it. Even though I had never met Karla, I felt so close to her. I'm not sure whether I felt connected because of our simultaneous pregnancies, or whether it was the way she opened up her world to me, and others so freely. But it felt as though a dear friend had just lost a child.

All of the worries that I had, until then, successfully kept at bay started creeping back. Karla asked that balloons be released in memory of Ava. I wanted to. I so badly wanted to. But everytime I would think of doing it, a feeling of dread took over. Like this simple act would make what happened to Karla too real. I couldn't do it. I regret that to this day.

I remember shortly after Zander was born, I thought of Karla and her husband, and of their little angel Ava. And I felt so guilty to be holding this beautiful little boy, when they, and so many others, were in so much pain.

It hit me that day like a brick wall at 100 km/h. Carlos and I were so very lucky. We had this amazing son, and we could never take that for granted. Now we have two amazing sons. And there is not one day that passes that I take anything for granted. Even through the screaming, the tantrums, the force feeding, the GERD....through all of it. Look at what we have!

I still read Karla's blog. And I still think of Ava often. She would be turning 2 soon. A couple of weeks before Zander's 2nd birthday. I was reminded of this by Karla's latest post. I can't imagine how hard it is for her and her husband. But I am so glad that they have finally been blessed with a healthy child. A beautiful little boy. They so deserved this.

I have so much respect for Karla and her husband Mark, for what they have gone through and what they have survived. They are so strong. And they remind me everyday not to think of what I might not have, but to be grateful for what I do have. And that's a lot.

Me & My Toaster Oven

2007-03-20T22:47:00.000-04:00

It's a love-hate relationship, really. But when it started, it was all love.

My mother-in-law gave me our toaster oven for Christmas a few years ago...before we were married. All digital. Push a button, door opens like a microwave. Toasts. Bakes. Broils. Black. Stainless Steel. Beautiful. It was love at first site.

Our relationship has slowly deteriorated since then to the point where it made an attempt on my life tonight. I've forgiven a lot. I'm not sure I can get past this.

The door started to stick a couple of years ago. This meant that opening the door required a little ingenuity and some creative maneuvering. Most of the time we could get it open if we pushed in the bottom of the door and pushed the button at the same time. Quite the feat when the oven was preheated to 375C!

But sometimes, it would require a little more...persuasion, shall we call it. This persuasion involved pounding on the button until the door popped open. A great way to get out your aggression!

Well, I believe the toaster oven has started it's retaliation for years of abuse....by me. I should mention that my husband has always been able to keep a cool head while dealing with the toaster oven, so it seems to be showing no aggression towards him at this time.

Back to my story. I was riffling through a drawer directly beneath where the toaster oven sits, when the door popped open on it's own, narrowly missing my face.

The morale of the story is, don't abuse your appliances. One day, they might just fight back.

From now on, my husband will take over all transactions with the toaster oven.

Career Changes

2007-03-20T14:46:00.000-04:00

Before having children, I was a civil servant.

There seem to be two types of civil servants - underworked and overpaid, and overworked and underpaid. I was the latter.

I dreaded going to work. It was a dead end job. I had ended up in a situation where there was no way to move up. I wasn't the only one in that situation. Morale was so low that many of us worried about a mass exodus. And many of us were burnt out.

The only thing that kept me going the last couple of years was knowing that it wouldn't be long before I could say goodbye for good.

Carlos and I, through our many discussions on the subject, had long ago decided that I would stay home and raise our children rather than putting them in daycare. Fortunately the Canadian Government allows their employees to take up to 5 years leave without pay to stay home with their children. Fancy that!

So after my maternity leave ended, my leave without pay (called "Care and Nurturing Leave") started. By the time I go back in the Spring of 2011, I will have been out of the workforce for 6 years. This scares the bejeezus out of me!

Don't get me wrong...I don't now, nor will I ever, regret taking the time out of my career to raise my boys. It has been a wonderful experience so far, although not without it's stresses due to Logan's ongoing health issues. However, my job was in the technology field. Yikes is right!

Technology changes so fast and often, I'm not sure what my qualifications will be when I start work again. I mean, I already feel I've lost most of my geekness in the past two years. And I still have 4 more years to go!

To add to this dark cloud hanging over my head, I was so unhappy doing what I was doing that I don't even know if I even want to return to that field of work. But what else can I do?

I guess I have 4 years to figure this out. In the meatime, I will just enjoy being a stay at home mom - the best job (and most challenging, in my opinion) in the world!

Just A Trim

2007-03-19T12:11:00.000-04:00

Zander has been in dire need of a haircut for months. But this event has been pushed aside. Partially due to the need to focus on Logan's health. Partially due to not knowing how we could accomplish this daunting task.

Zander is only 22 months old. Isn't that too young to take him to daddy's barber? Would he really sit still enough for mommy to cut his locks with with razor sharp scissors? How do people do this???

It finally got to the point where it had to be done since his hair was long enough to necessitate brushing it out of his eyes ever 5-10 minutes. And unfortunately it is socially unacceptable to put barrettes in a little boy's hair. But how were we going to cut the hair of a child who only stops moving long enough to proudly say one of his many words from his ever-expanding vocabulary.

Then one day last week, my husband came home with "Just A Trim" (As Seen On TV). I thought "You've got to be kidding!". But no...no he wasn't. He was sure this was the solution to our son's hair dilema. I was shaking in my proverbial boots at the thought of placing this battery powered gizmo anywhere near my first born's head!

"Just A Trim" is built with the same concept as the clippers used by barbers and hair stylists alike. It comes with two attachments, so you can decide how much of a trim you will end up with. When one of the attachments is on it, the blades are not accessible. You just pop on the desired attachment, and brush it through your hair. So it did seem like the perfect solution.

Well, I gotta tell ya folks. It actually worked! Zander was such a good boy, and sat still for his trim as long as we would let him hold the trimmer every once in while. I can't believe how easy it was!

Zander getting his trim.

My baby's locks! There's so much hair!

Zander after his trim. He looks so much older now!

So....what do you think?

Small Hiatus

2007-03-18T21:49:00.000-04:00

I have not posted since February 28th. I've been on a bit of a hiatus. From blogging, and other things.

Just before Christmas, I was striken with a case of extreme exhaustion which involved fainting spells and dizziness, a call to Telehealth Ontario, a frantic ambulance ride, and a long day at the local hospital. Apparently this is not uncommon for a mother of a young special-needs child to suffer, let alone a mother of one young special-needs child and a slightly older high-maintenance child!

Well, it started happening again. Luckily, this time I recognized the signs that I was pushing myself too hard before it got the the point where the paramedics were pounding on my door. Another stroke of luck was that my mother had just arrived for a week-long visit when things started going downhill.

So I took the opportunity to take it a little easy. This also meant that I rested alot. And had a nice visit with my mother. The time that I usually reserve for virtual contact with the outside world via email, blog reading and posting and general surfing was spent watching girlie and horror flicks with my mom and munching on everything that is bad for us. It was just what I needed!

What would we do without our mothers? Not sure what I would do without mine!

My beautiful mother & I on my wedding day.

Ironman

2007-02-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Zander has always been a picky eater. Although he did start solid food with quite the taste for pureed squash and carrots. That ended when he got his first nasty cold at 8 months old.

He decided he would rather have a bottle, which I figured was a comfort thing. He was a pretty sick little man.

Unfortunately the food strike did not end with his convalescence. He decided he no longer had need for fruit and vegetable goodness, and would rather receive processed nutrients from his formula.

He would not eat solids consistently until he was 13 months old. It was months of offering various pureed produce with only the occasional spoonful consumed. He is the only child I know who wouldn't even look at his 1st birthday cake, let alone eat it. We gave him some icing to smear around, just so that he seemed more like an average 1 year old...atleast in pictures! But we know better.

A couple of months ago, we started to suspect he might have an iron deficiency. He got tired easily. Too easily. He had also lost all apetite for anything other than milk. He would have been happy with 20 ounces of milk a day and nothing else.

We received his test results from the doctor today. The news was so-so. He does have an iron deficiency, but no so bad as to make him anemic. It's still bad enough that we need to keep a very close eye on it, making sure he gets enough iron daily, and getting re-tested in a couple of months.

While waiting for the results to come back, we have been fortifying Zander's diet with enough iron to bring him to atleast 90% of the recommended daily amount. We've also been keeping a food journal. At times we've had to literally shove food in his mouth and make him swallow it, all the while trying to ignore his screams and gagging. It's been tough.

It appears we have been successful. His apetite is back. His energy is back. He's even gained back a couple of pounds in the last 6 weeks. But he will still doesn't eat like your average soon-to-be two year old. Most of his diet still consists of pureed fruits and vegetables, since anything chunkier or with the least bit of texture makes him gag enough to bring up everything he's recently eaten. This is something we try to avoid at all costs, since he needs every little bit of food (and iron) he manages to swallow.

He's only recently started to try food from our own plates, but it only seems to be a one-time offer. We try to offer the same food a few days later, only to be rejected with a hugely melodramatic "No!" and a violent shaking of the head. Unless the food in question is something we would rather him not eat. McDonald's french fries seem to hit the spot at all times.

But atleast he seems to be going in the right direction now. He's actually eating the occasional food that requires him to use his molars in a chewing/grinding action.

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the mealtime tunnel. This is a good thing.

The search for Carl

2007-02-22T12:13:00.000-05:00

Zander has never said mommy or daddy. And it's always bothered us. Other toddlers say it! Why doesn't our toddler say it? It's something we have longed to hear.

A few weeks ago I realized that whenever Zander was crying and asking for us, it sounded like he was saying "Carl". And who is Carl, you ask? I wasn't sure.

I kept listening for "Carl", to try to find a pattern to when he said it. And it seemed that it was always when he wanted daddy. Who's name is Carlos.

Yes, that's right. My son is calling his father by his name! Shortly after, we realized that when he says "cat", sometimes he means cat, sometimes he means me. Interesting.

I told my mother, who started to laugh. Apparently this runs in the family.

When I was around 14 months old, I started saying "nonny" (pronounced like Donny). My mother was so happy that I was finally starting to call her mommy. What she found odd, though, was that I would go to the window and yell "nonny! nonny!" whenever I could hear my father coming home on the tractor (I'm a farm girl, you see). And then it dawned on her. I was trying to say "honey", which incidentally is what my mother calls my father. That's when they started calling each other mommy and daddy in front of my brother and I.

So Carlos and I try to remember to call each other mommy and daddy in front of the boys. Which can seem awkward at times, and downright funny at others. Especially depending on the situation and whomever may be witness.

I find the whole thing funny, and rather cute. My husband does not. I'm not quite sure why he can't find the humour in it. I think he may feel as if his son was calling for him without him knowing. But even if Zander was calling for Harold, Carlos would still go to him. That's just the type of father he is.

Zander has finally started to say dad. He calls Carlos dad and he calls me dad.

But that's better than "Carl" and "cat", I guess!

Zander & Daddy (Carl)

Valentine's Day Eve

2007-02-14T12:54:00.000-05:00

Carlos and I have always celebrated on February 13th instead of February 14th. It's a tradition that started 8 years ago, and was henceforth dubbed "Valentine's Day Eve". Yes, we made up our own holiday. What's wrong with that?

It all started on February 13th 1998. Carlos dropped by my apartment to give me a single rose. That was the first time he expressed his other-than-friendship interest. Before then we had just been friends in the same program at school. We started dating shortly after.

The following year, I gave him a single rose on February 13th. I know, I know! Yuck! But we were young, in love, and all mushy and stuff!

So that's how it started.

This year was the first time we have celebrated on February 14th. Valentine's Day Eve was not to be. Both boys were having a bad day...which meant the parents also had a bad day! Lots of screaming, lots of tears, Tempra for teething, Gaviscon for reflux, and no sleep. That's how we Valentine's Day Eve went down.!

So today...we're having pizza for dinner, and maybe we will go to bed early to recover from last night. That's how we will celebrate our first Valentine's Day since 1999!!! Woohoo! One for the books!

Bad Dante

2007-02-13T16:23:00.000-05:00

Logan has just recently started to "talk". I think we have the Prevacid to thank for that! His favourite things to say are "bababababa" and "dadadadadada", and my personal fave "aguh aguh". Sometimes his rants go on forever.

The other day we were all in the kitchen. Zander was eating breakfast and Logan, who was already done eating, was babbling away. All of a sudden he said what sounded like "bad Dante". Carlos looked at me and asked "who's Dante?". I just shook my head and shrugged.

Ahhh.....the ramblings of an 8 month old!

Logan: Part 2 - The Aftermath

2007-02-09T15:44:00.000-05:00

We knew something wasn't right with Logan when he was still in the NICU.

I was pumping and feeding him expressed breast milk by bottle, since he was so small and weak - he had problems nursing. My husband and I noticed that he seemed to be uncomfortable when he was eating. We thought it was gas...or maybe he was just a squirmy baby. It would not turn out to be that simple.

We started giving him Colic drops, Oval, gripe water, anything that might help any discomfort he was in. It didn't help.

When he was drinking from his bottle, his tiny little body would arch backwards with such force that we could hardly hold onto him. Sometimes he would scream. It would go on for hours. Never have I been through anything so emotionally exhausting as watching your newborn in pain, and not knowing why or how to stop it. I cried...a lot.

He used to make these cute little grunts when he was sleeping in the crib or bassinet. We called him "our little goat", since that's what he sounded like. Later, when I learned that he made those sounds when he was in pain, I felt unbelievable guilt. It crushed me.

Carlos and I searched the internet for any wisdom that might help our littlest boy. When we came across the list of symptoms for GERD, my heart sank. This sounded like Logan. Too much like Logan.

GERD stands for Gastro-Esophageal Reflux disease. Our friends' son had GERD, and we remembered how hard it was on their whole family. We started to pray for Colic.

I brought him to our family doctor as soon as she could see us. I told her Logan's symptoms and my suspicions. She said that it could be GERD, or it could be a milk allergy/intolerance. She suggested that we cut milk products out of my diet, and switch him to soy formula for the couple of feeds a day when the breast milk supply had run out. In the meantime, she got us an appointment for Logan to go for a milk scan at CHEO - the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario. Luckily, we live in a city with a children's hospital.

The soy formula helped a bit. But he was still in so much pain. We counted the days...no...hours...till Logan's test. When it finally came, it was bittersweet. We were happy that we may finally find out what our son was dealing with. But we also knew that this test was not going to be fun for any of us.

Being at CHEO was stressful. It was hard to see all those children. Some not so sick, some much worse off than Logan. Logan was dressed in a pink gown (how humiliating!), and was fed a bottle of formula containing a radioactive dye. Then he was strapped to a table and a huge imaging machine was lowered down over him. And there he laid for an hour. A horrific hour of screaming, tears and torment. The only contact I could have with him was reaching in from the side. It was awful.

We got the results the next day. Our doctor called us as soon as she got them. It was GERD. Again, my heart sank. He was also diagnosed with something called Sandifer's Syydrome, which is a neurological response to the GERD. This explained the arching of his back while eating. A prescription for Zantac was waiting for us at the pharmacy. We hoped that this would make everything better.

It took about 10 day for the Zantac to finally make a noticable difference. And what a difference it was! It was like night and day. But it didn't take all of the pain away. Zantac is very weight sensitive, so once a week we would weigh him on a baby scale that we had purchased and calculate his new dose using a formula given to us by our doctor. And since he's what is called a "comfort eater" (he eats to try to sooth the pain), he gained weight rapidly, requiring the Zantac to be upped every 10-14 days.

After being on the Zantac for a couple of months the "episodes", as the hospital called them, came back with a vengeance. Back to the doctor we went. This time Prevacid was added to his daily routine. We were hoping to avoid this, since there have not been many studies on Prevacid in infants. Doctor's don't like giving it to children under a year or two of age. But Logan needed it.

The first Prevacid we got was in capsule form. So I had to open the capsule and count the little beads to get the correct dose. Fun. Not!

Just after Christmas he was put on a liquid form, much easier to get the correct dose, much easier for mommy!

It was like the sun came out. We still have to treat him differently than healthy babies (can't lie down right after eating, etc.), and he is still on the soy formula (couldn't keep up the pumping, haven't tried him on milk formula yet, milk allergy/intolerance is common in GERD babies). But in the last couple of months our little boy's real personality has come out. It's amazing!

It will be a while until we find out the extent of Logan's problem. Most children grow out of it by around 18 months, but some don't. It depends on what is causing the GERD. Either the flap at the bottom of his esophagus that closes over the top of his stomach is under-developed and still developing, it is stuck open, or it isn't there at all. This will be determined at some point with an ultrasound. If it is still developing, it's just a waiting game. Otherwise there may be surgery in his future. Hopefully not.

Until then, we will enjoy our little boy and hope for the best. Atleast he is more comfortable now, and hopefully it will only get better!

The Power of "Wow"

2007-02-03T21:56:00.000-05:00

I was just looking at my blog, and realized something.

I inadvertently started each post about my boys with the word "Wow". How appropo!

Logan: Part 1 - An Introduction

2007-02-02T23:14:00.000-05:00

Wow. This going to be tough. There's a lot to tell.

Logan was due July 13th, 2006. However, he had other plans entirely. We thought Zander's entry into the world was a great story....

It was the night of June 1st. I had just finally gotten Zander to sleep after an all-out battle. I was just leaving his room when I felt......let's just say I felt "something", so as not to offend anyone who may be reading this fascinating story. I mentioned it to my husband, and we both thought I should call TeleHealth, a free health hotline manned by nurses run by the province of Ontario. So I did, and after playing 20 questions with the nurse at the other end, she decided that it was possible that my water broke, and I should proceed to the nearest hospital.

My heart sank. I was only 34 weeks along as of that day. At the same time, I think I was actually in a bit of denial at that point. I informed my husband, we gathered a few things (including Zander), and were about to leave. As I was about 3 feet from the front door...wooosh....or should I say "gush"! If I wasn't convinced by the nurse, I was after that!

We drove to the hospital, which is only 10 minutes away. I remember two things very clearly from that car ride. First, I remember looking at Zander and feeling so guilty having woken him up after only 30 minutes of sleep. He looked so tired and confused. Secondly, Carlos had the AC going in the car. My pants were soaked from the waterfall of amniotic fluid. I was FREEZING! I swear my pant legs were frozen solid by the time we got there. I think my pants could have stood up on their own.

When we got to the hospital, I got taken to triage. They hooked me up to the usual fetal heart monitor, etc. Heart rate was strong, and I wasn't having any contractions, but of course they had to admit me. We were told of all the horrible things we had to prepare ourselves for. I've never been so scared in my life. The doctor was worried about infection, so he asked the nurse to start an IV with antibiotics. Carlos took Zander home where my sister-in-law was waiting to watch him, and then he returned to the hospital.

In the meantime, the nurses were busy trying to get an IV into my arm. Not an easy task. You see, I not only have the tiniest veins possible in a grown woman, but they also like to hide far away from the surface of my skin. So when I need to have blood taken, it is a major undertaking. Well, these nurse ended up blowing through the sides of two veins and pumping saline into my flesh, cause these huge fluid-filled bubbles that needed to be pressed on firmly to be drained....which hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! So when Carlos got back he took one look at my arms, which were already a deep shade of purple from the trauma, and had to quickly look away. Did I mention my husband can't handle the site of anything having to do with needles???

So the doctor opted for oral antibiotics in my case....good choice. I didn't have any unscathed arm-space left for another attempt anyway!

Shortly after Carlos arrived back at the hospital, I sent him home. I could see how tired and worried he was. And I knew I needed my rest anyway.

Then next morning was full of tests, ultrasounds, specialists, predictions, best case scenarios, worst case scenarios....it made my head spin. I still wasn't having contractions, and I wasn't dilated at all. So the doctor told us that it came down to one simple task...keep the baby from being born for as long as possible. Easy for him to say! What should I do, clench???

I was put on what "bed rest with bathroom priviledges". I'd never thought of going to the bathroom as a priviledge, until then. I even had to wait for approval from the doctor to have a shower!

Day in and day out I was hooked up to machines for endless non-stress tests, had ultrasounds, bloodwork every morning at 7am, antibiotics twice a day, watched the occasional bit of TV, and worried. I worried about all the things that could go wrong. I worried about how I would handle being released from the hospital, but having to leave my baby behind. I worried about my 13-month old Zander being away from his mommy so long...did he even miss me (my mother had come to stay with Zander while Carlos was at work and I was in the hospital)? I worried about my husband, who seemed to have taken the weight of the world on his shoulders. I think he took it the hardest out of all of us.

I didn't sleep much...too many thoughts going through my mind. In the early morning of the 6th day in the hospital, I woke up feeling hungry. I called my nurse and asked for some toast. I ate my toast while watching an episode of Angel. Who knew Angel was on at 3am? Then I felt a twinge. Not even a cramp...just a twinge. I didn't really thing anything of it until it kept happening.

I called my nurse back, and she immediately hooked me up. Yup. I was having small contractions. But within an hour they stopped. So off to sleep I went. Later on that morning I was told by the doctor that if they started again we would have to think about transferring me to another hospital. The Queensway Carleton Hospital, where I was, does not deal with babies younger than 37 weeks gestation. So I would need be transferred to the Ottawa Civic or the Ottawa General Hospital.

Just after lunch that day, they started again. It was decided that I would go to the Civic and be induced to get labour going. Since my contractions were on and off, and they knew the kind of labour I had with Zander, they thought it was best at that point if the baby was born under controlled conditions. I was 34 weeks 6 days.

After an exciting ambulance ride on the highway during rush-hour traffice, I arrived at 6pm, and immediately was told I needed an IV for antibiotics, and for the oxitocin. Joy! Due to the previous IV fiasco, the anesthesiologist that specialized in epidurals was called in. Even she had a hard time with it. We both had a good laugh after it was done. My husband was cowering in the corner.

At 8 pm I was given oxitocin. Labour progressed slowly for a while, but then really got going. I was in enough pain to use the gas, but did not want an epidural. Not because of any holier-than-those-who-need-them complex, and not because I thought I was too tough to need it. I have just never like the idea of having a plastic tube inserted in my spine.

Well, my labour stalled at 3cm. My cervix was off to one side, so the baby's head wasn't engaged properly. This meant that there wasn't the normal pressure from the baby's head on the cervix to help me move along. The nurses and doctor thought that an epidural might make me relax enough the allow my cervix to start behaving. Finally I gave in.

I have never been afraid of the pain or discomfort of the administration of an epidural. I have been poked and prodded enough in my life to take care of that fear. The worst part for me was not being able to move during my contractions. That's not easy!!!

Once it was done, I was told to lie down. All of a sudden the contractions got so intense. It was the first time I screamed. I had the attention of everyone in the room, I'll tell ya! The nurse checked. "Oh, it's time for you to push. The baby's head is right here!".

This seemed all too familiar. The pain was unreal. I pushed. Two contractions, four pushes. At 3:07am, my second son was born! This time, he was breathing, so Carlos was able to cut the cord. I have always found it fascinating that he can't stand to be in the same room as me getting an IV, but had no problems cutting through an umbilical cord. The things you do for your kids!

I asked the nurse, why did the epidural not take any of the pain away. As soon as I had finished speaking, my hips went numb, and it proceeded to numbify all the way down to my feet. AFTER I had the baby! What the....????? How is that fair???? You would think that, if I had to go through with an epidural when I really didn't want one, it could at least have given me a bit of pain management before I didn't need it anymore!!!

Considering that fact that Logan was 5 weeks premature, he did remarkably well. His first APGAR score was 9! And he was 5 pounds 6 ounces. Small, but not the teensy tiny baby we were expecting at all.

He only spent a week in the NICU. He had some problems feeding, mostly because he was so weak he couldn't stay awake to eat. There were a couple of times he had to have an NG tube down his nose to be fed, which broke my heart to see. But he did well, all things considered.

By the time we took him home he was back up to his birth weight. And so began our life with two little boys less than 13 months apart.

Stay tuned for Part Two - The Aftermath

Why the long posts?

2007-02-01T15:35:00.000-05:00

Wow...do you think I could write more? I guess I feel like I should get anyone reading this blog up to speed on my life and the special people in it. Might be a waste of time. Who knows. But this way if I post about having to use toupee tape to keep the skull cap that my mother crotcheted for my wedding stuck to my head, lest the wind grab my veil and reveal a blindingly shiny bald head, it will make some sort of sense! Plus I'm finding it nice to reminisce.

And if anyone reading this thought the posts about me and my oldest son Zander were long, wait till you see the one about Logan, my youngest. Or should I say posts! I think I am going to have to split his story into two parts. He is a complex little man!!!

Fear not, though. One day my posts will only be this long. I promise!

The Story of Zander

2007-01-26T15:28:00.000-05:00

Zander is our oldest son. He will be two years old in May, which just blows me away. Where did the time go?

He was born 15 days early, and was 6 pounds 10 ounces, 20 inches long. His entry into this world was not quite what we expected.

My husband and I had taken a prenatal course through our hospital. It was extremely informative about everything from pregnancy issues to labour to bringing the baby home. But it did not prepare us for labour and delivery we had with Zander.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I found out at my doctor's appointment the day before that I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, so my mother was calling me every 30 minutes to see if I was having the baby. She was driving me NUTS!!! I was already on maternity leave, and was relaxing at home. I had been on the phone with my mother....again! She was a little anxious for her first grandchild to be born! I told her to be patient, 'cause it wasn't happening today....boy was I wrong!

At 5:15pm, my husband Carlos came home from work. After his usual post-work organization routine (put keys away, take lunch paraphenalia out of briefcase and put in dishwasher, put briefcase away, etc. etc.etc.), he came to see me in the family room. And he came baring gifts! One of his co-workers sent home a little goodie bag for the baby with receiving blankets, wash cloths, little teddy bear.....I went about excitedly pulling gift after gift out of the bag, when I felt a wierd cramp. Nothing to worry about, I told myself. And then it happened again....and again. At this point Carlos pointed out that these mystery cramps were almost exactly 10 minutes apart. Could I be in labour???? No! Of course not! They say most first-time pregnancies tend to go late anyway!

Around 6pm I started to realize that there was definately something going on. My husband called the hospital to find out whether we should stay home or come in. The nurse at the other end told him to start packing, and in the meantime put me on the phone.

The contractions were already bad enough that I couldn't talk through them. I was trying to use the breathing techniques we learned in class. The nurse could hear this and told me to breathe slower. Breathe SLOWER??? YOU breathe slower! I'm currently trying not to have a baby on my bedroom floor!!!!

My husband was flying around like a madman trying to gather everything for my hospital bag....we had had plans to pack the night before, but I got tired and decided we would do it the next day. Ha!

When everything was ready, he came to get me in the bedroom and proceeded to help me walk down the hallway. When we got to the top of the stairs I started to have a contraction so we stopped for a minute. When it was over my husband looked at me with a smile on his face and said "we're having a baby!". I just glared at him and went about trying to get down the staircase, which at that moment looked to have a gazillion steps. When I look back on this I get a little sad. He was so excited, and I couldn't share that with him at that moment.

By the time we got in the car it started to set in how fast this was all going. I guess Carlos realized it too, 'cause he ran a couple of red lights on the way to the hospital!

We got to the hospital at 7:25pm. I tried to make it from the car to the door on foot, but a nice lady came running over with a wheel chair for me, and pushed me into the foyer while my husband carried my bag. When we got to reception one of the nurses realized that I couldn't wait, and wheeled me down to the Mother Baby Unit while my husband checked me in.

As soon as we started wheeling down the hallway, my water broke. The nurse started driving faster. I remember I was trying not to scream, so I was making these wierd grunting noises akin to the mating call of some wild animal. Yet the nurse still had to ask people to move out of the way! These ignorant people were just talking in the middle of the hallway and when the nurse piped up, they just looked down at me in the wheelchair like "what's your hurry?"!!! Hello! You think they moaning pregnant lady who appears to be writhing in extreme pain needs to get through????? Duh!

When we got to the room, I was dressed in a gown and helped onto the bed. I was checked, and to my surprise was told that I was ready to push. Push? My husband wasn't even here yet!!!

Suddenly one of the nurses realized that the baby's heartrate was dropping dramatically with each contraction. Between contractions it was around 140-150. During contractions it dropped to 50! So out comes the vacuum, and in comes my husband.

At this point, I was all business. I needed to get this baby out as soon as possible. So I yelled at my husband to pull my leg up and start counting, and I pushed. Two contractions, three pushes and he was out. No need for the vacuum. My first contraction was at around 5:25pm, and Zander was born at 7:37pm. Fast????

He wasn't breathing right away, so he was taken to the other side of the room. But within a couple of minutes we heard that beautiful sound...my first son's first cry. It gives me goosebumps just writing about it!

The best part was calling my parents later. It was such a whirlwind that we didn't even think about calling anyone until around 9pm. Since my parents are in my hometown, it was long distance. We figured they wouldn't mind us calling collect, so that's what we did. When we were asked who was calling, Carlos said "your grandson".

I remember hearing my mother say "Hello?". Then the automated voice said "You have a collect call from "your grandson". If you accept the charges, press 1". My mom said "I don't have a grandson". We were laughing so hard! The automated voice said "We did not receive your response..." and repeated the whole thing again. And again my mother said "I don't have a grandson", but pressed 1 anyway. She told me later that she was going to try to help whoever was trying to find their grandparents, and had the wrong number. She's so cute!

My mother said "Hello?" I said "Hi!" And then it set in. She just started screaming my name over and over again. I said "you have a grandson". Then she asked where I was. "Ummmm....at the hospital!?!" I think everyone I know has heard that story...I love it!

We took him home with us 2 days later. What an awakening. It don't think it really hit us until we were in the car with him. We were alone with him. There was no little button I could push that would call someone to come and help me at any hour of the day. But what an amazing time!

And that was almost 21 months ago. It doesn't seem like that long....yet, look at him now! My sunshine boy makes me happier than I could ever have imagined!

A Brief History of Cate

2007-01-09T19:13:00.000-05:00

As promised, I thought I would share my story, albeit a little late. Fear not...I will not bore you with the mundane details of my life. I just want to share some major events in my life that have influenced choices I have made, and have made me who I am today, and have led me down the path to this beautiful life I now lead.

I had a wonderful childhood growing up on a farm in a small town (when I left there in 1994 the population was 4000) about 1.5 hours East of Toronto. It was relatively uneventful, so I will get to the "good" stuff.

My life started to take some wierd turns when I was 18. For some unknown reason, the powers that be decided to shake my life up a bit by adding some....let's call them "challenges".

First came the Cold Urticaria. I am allergic to cold. Yes folks, it is possible to be allergic to cold. I was diagnosed just before I left to start University in Ottawa. When I am in direct contact with something cold, the contact area swells and I get hives. Even better, when I breathe cold air, my trachea swells making it difficult to breathe. A sort of uber-asthma attack if you will. I still question my reasoning behind sticking with the plan to move to Ottawa, a city colder than my hometown. Key word COLDER!

Then came the Alopecia Universalis. In May 1996 I moved back to my parents' house after my exams were over and school was finished for the year. I had plans to find a job and work for the summer. The powers that be had other plans entirely.

When I got home my mother remarked that my hair looked thin. I didn't notice any difference, but I saw myself everyday. The difference wasn't as subtle to my mother. I went to see my doctor and was tested for iron deficiency. That wasn't it. So I was sent to a Dermatologist. It still confuses me why this type of hair loss is lumped in with skin diseases, but I don't have a medical degree so who am I to question?

In june of 1996, shortly before my 22nd birthday, I learned that I had Alopecia. I was going to lose all of my hair. He wasn't kidding! By the end of July, I was left looking like a feminine Telly Savalas. Only he had to good fortune to have eyebrows and eyelashes! I do not! I have to draw them on every morning. Not my favourite thing to do!

So, there you have it. I am bald as a cue ball! I went through a lot of self esteem issues, but managed to go back to school in September. I decided to not wear a wig to hide my lack of hair. I did this for a couple of reasons. My hair was beautiful. It was long, straight, super fine blonde hair. And I could not find a wig that looked at all like it, or that made me look/feel like myself. I also had the fear that people would know I was wearing a wig. I felt I could easier deal with it if it was out in the open. And I did!

There's just one last thing. In the fall of 1999 I was hit suddenly with Polymorphic Light Eruption. Yes ladies and gents. Now I was allergic to the sun! This type of allergy is only strong during the strong UV months...you know...Spring and Summer...when everyone wants to be outside! So in the winter I am fine. No...wait. I'm allergic to cold too! So there is no month where I am totally safe! Great!

You are probably wondering why I named my blog what I did. Well, there is both a truth and irony there.

There have been times, especially when I lost my hair, that I never thought I would have a beautiful life. This seemed like far to much to deal with for someone in there mid-20's. And being a bald woman isn't easy. Would I ever get married or have children?

The answer is yes! My husband spotted me because of my baldness. He just had to meet that seemingly fearless young woman that he described once described as "the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on". Yup! That's me!

I have been fortunate enough to have a family that is so close-knit. I have had all the support I have ever needed, and was taught growing up that to be able to deal with the bad times, you need to be able to laugh. We are a family of great laughter. I truly believe that without laughter I would not be where I am today.

I am extremely happily married to the most wonderful man. He makes me feel beautiful everyday, even when I'm sure I'm not.

I also have two of the most beautiful boys ever to grace this Earth. It is a joy to be able to stay at home and watch them grow everyday.

Yes, I am truly blessed. What a Beautiful Life indeed!

A Bad Start

2007-01-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I've had my first blog delay already! We visited my parents in my hometown for a few days over the holidays. Unfortunately we brought back with us the worst cold known to mankind along with all the boys' Christmas booty! Both the boys have it (my youngest's first cold!), and I got hit the worst (which is fine by me...better me than my 7 month or 20 month old!).

My nose is cemented shut, and my lungs are so full of nastiness (I know...tmi) that I feel like I'm breathing through pudding. I can only sleep sitting up since as soon as I am horizontal I fly into a coughing fit that shakes and rattles my whole body. The only bright spot is that my husband didn't catch it, and my dear mother-in-law has come to helps us try to placate the extremely cranky sucky-babies that my sons have transformed into!

So....there is my excuse. As soon as I am back to full performance, I promise to post again with an intro into my life!

My New Year's Resolution

2007-01-01T12:27:00.000-05:00

I have been following a few blogs over the past year or so, all the time thinking that maybe it was something I should try. Yet it has taken me this long to start one. Why? I'm not sure. A perceived lack of time? A fear of being boring? Maybe. But recent events have pushed me into taking the proverbial plunge.

My sons' lives seem to be flying by so fast my head is spinning. I feel like this may help me better document their milestones, which I so far have been only half successful at.

I also have been met with some challenges with my second son. I am hoping that this blog will help me express what I am truly feeling in an anonymous arena (and without adding extra burden to my husband!). Maybe I will even be so lucky to receive a few helpful comments here and there (that is, if my blog is not too boring for human consumption!). Who knows!

So, that being said....I resolve to use this blog:

as an attempt at capturing my boys' lives as they grow, from major milestones to daily tantrums.
as an outlet for my thoughts, feelings and amusing anicdotes about my life as a stay-at-home mom to 2 boys under the age of 2.
as a place to vent when required (this maybe be more often than not!)

I'm not sure how often and with how much consistency I will be posting. This remains to be seen.